Valentine’s Day (New Line Cinema)

A wise man once said, “I’d rather rip my dick off and throw it in the river than to do that again.”

Wise indeed, wise man. Wise indeed.

Even worse than it looks,

-Shady

PS: I have a prize for the first person who emails me with the name of said wise man.

No shit.

I’m actually in the process of leaving US Bank (which sucks), but I’m also an annoyed past customer of Bank One (sucked) and Chase (which was once Bank One and also sucks). I also highly suggest people stay as far as humanly possible away from both Capital One (sucks) and MasterCard (sucks) when it comes to credit cards.

I have been royally bent over and nickel-and-dimed to death by each and every one of these greedy-pig corporations, and refuse to give them another penny of my money.

I’m joining a credit union this week and encourage all of you to look into doing the same, especially if you’re sick and tired of the ridiculous fees they charge you for absolutely nothing.

I know this might be an old way of thinking, but banks make their money off the interest they charge other people when they lend it out. By depositing your money in their bank you are doing them a favor, not vice versa.

Remember that the next time they charge you a $4 “convenience” fee, a $7 “maintenance” fee, or a $15 “overdraft protection” fee. They’re pigs, all of ‘em.

Money under the mattress is next,

-Shady

…titled “The Child Dreams.”

The film documents Helnwein’s work on the play “The Child Dreams,” from his creative process in Los Angeles, all the way through the play’s premiere in Tel Aviv last month.

The play was written by Hanoch Levin and produced for the Israeli Opera; Helnwein handled all of the production’s visuals including set and costume design, make-up, lighting, and video work.

Here’s some behind-the-scenes footage of Helnwein working in his Los Angeles studio. The video was created by Cyril Helnwein; the song being played is “Gluttony” as composed by Ali Helnwein.

To learn more about Helnwein, click here.

I’ve seen those paintings in real life,

-Shady

Words

You know I’m a huge fan of the Dancing Weatherman here in L.A., but Jim Kosek from AccuWeather.com is by far the best weatherman on the face of the planet.

Witness the beauty here:

Sorry, Mark Thompson,

-Shady

Be patient with it; he swoops in for the raping at the one-minute mark.

Elvis weeps from the grave… or Bermuda,

-Shady

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…but I absolutely loved my third car. It was a cherry red, 1967 Ford Galaxie 500 that had a pitch-black vinyl interior. So pretty.

I named it “The Satanic” because it was the type of car the Devil himself would drive, and because it was as big as the Titanic. You could seriously sit eight people comfortably across the car’s two bench seats.

Here’s a picture of Dave Crosland and I sitting in it back in 2003. You can click on the image to view a larger version.

Dave Crosland and Justin Shady in The Satanic

Unfortunately, rising gas prices and a move to Los Angeles forced me to sell “The Satanic” back in 2008. My Aunt Teri and Uncle John purchased the car from me just before I left Milwaukee.

Sadly, the frame of the car had become rusted throughout, so my aunt and uncle decided to sell it off for parts to a guy from Michigan. They just sent me the last photos I’ll ever see of her. Of course, since it’s winter in Wisconsin, they had to dig her out first.

Thanks for all of the awesome memories, darling. The Dodge Stratus I drive now doesn’t have shit on you.

The cars of today lack style,

-Shady

<p style=”text-align: center;”><a href=”http://theblarg.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/sketchbook_sloth_shady.jpg” target=”_blank”><img class=”aligncenter” src=”http://theblarg.files.wordpress.com/2009/12/sketchbook_sloth_shady.jpg” alt=”Sketchbook: &quot;Sloth&quot; by Justin Shady” width=”400″ /></a></p>

You may already know these high-fiving guys from Funny or Die. The following videos were produced by Almost Twins (real names Jake Szymanski and Jack Packard, with friend Bob Turton stepping in as the other high-fiver), two cousins who have succeeded in making me laugh quite a few times.

A few days ago, the duo released their newest high-five installment. This time, the guys high-fived their way around Miami just before the Super Bowl.

Check it out:

They’ve also high-fived around Los Angeles:

And Washington, D.C. during Obama’s inauguration last January:

But while clicking around their page on Funny or Die, I happened across this high-five video that I had somehow previously missed. Of course, it’s funny; but what caught me by surprise was the song that’s used in the video. The song is “Victim to the Beat” by Milwaukee rapper Kid Millions.

I mentioned the song here back in August.

Now, the thing is, that song is fairly obscure unless you’re from Milwaukee. So I checked out Almost Twins and–guess what?–they’re from Milwaukee. Not only are they from Milwaukee, but we have a few friends in common.

It’s truly a small world, folks.

I have to admit it makes me proud that these guys call Milwaukee home. Them, and Dahmer.

Milwaukee’s best export is funny,

-Shady

dead at 77.

No videos. Just passing along the info and pointing out the fact that Democrats can’t get a break. Sheesh.

Dems dropping like flies,

-Shady

Because this:

Reminds me a lot of this:

And since we’re visiting the topic, have you guys seen this yet?

The Blarg is over here,

-Shady

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…but I love their commercials.

A few years ago, Budweiser debuted the now-classic commercial “Swear Jar”:

This year, the guy from “Swear Jar” returns in this gem, “The Clothing Drive”:

Awesome. It’s a shame that their beer tastes like piss.

Great commercials for a shitty product,

-Shady

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