…when an old woman stopped me on the sidewalk. She told me she had a heavy box in her minivan that she couldn’t carry, and she wanted to know if I could carry it into her apartment for her.
“Sure,” I told her, as I tied Fabulous to a nearby tree. When I opened up the minivan I noticed FIFTEEN heavy boxes, not one, at which point she said, “All of those please.”
What could I do? I moved all fifteen heavy-as-shit boxes into her apartment for her. What can I say, I’m a sucker.
As I turned to walk away she said thank you and handed me a pink rose.
Seriously.
I couldn’t make this shit up,
24 comments
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April 4, 2011 at 4:57 pm
jeremyrscott
Your lucky she didn’t knock you out and make a skin suit out of you. Of course she could always just go and rent a gorilla costume instead. There would be less hair that way.
April 4, 2011 at 5:26 pm
jshady
HAHAHA! Love it!
April 5, 2011 at 10:37 am
Marcia Blanchard
Ha, ha, ha…that’s funny!
April 4, 2011 at 7:01 pm
jeremyrscott
On a serious note, fucking 15 BOXES?!? Wow, wish I could have seen your face when she opened that van door.
April 4, 2011 at 7:17 pm
jshady
Yeah. I was like, “Really?”
April 5, 2011 at 8:28 am
Bob Steib
She could have thanked you with her body. Who knows, you may have
been hoping for that?
April 5, 2011 at 9:39 am
jshady
Oh, I was. My God… I was.
April 5, 2011 at 11:01 am
corey
did she perhaps take a photo of you and a locket of your hair? if you begin to have sharp stabbing pains anywhere or losing weight / aging at an extremely accelerated pace, go to the gypsy trailer park and offer them 3 gold coins and a mid sized goat…
April 5, 2011 at 11:06 am
jshady
THINNER!
April 5, 2011 at 12:23 pm
Kathy Tremmel
Was she REALLY old, like in her 90s or just old, like 59 on her next birthday (April 24)?
April 5, 2011 at 12:27 pm
jshady
HAHA! I’d say she was early to mid-seventies.
And happy birthday! Early!
April 5, 2011 at 2:33 pm
dwellephant
This sounds exactly like what happened every single time we moved a friend back in the day. Only minus the rose.
April 5, 2011 at 2:46 pm
jshady
Well, at least this lady had all of her shit packed up by the time I arrived.
April 5, 2011 at 3:57 pm
Robin
You did a good deed today. You could have gotten KILLED, but that was very nice of you!
April 5, 2011 at 4:40 pm
jshady
Eh, I could’ve taken her. Easy!
April 5, 2011 at 5:20 pm
Du
But what do you think was in all those boxes? What if you were an accessory to a crime? What if there were body parts of meth in those boxes? Weren’t you curious? Now I won’t sleep. Again.
April 5, 2011 at 5:28 pm
Du
Haha, I mean OR meth. Haha.
April 5, 2011 at 10:13 pm
jshady
I once smoked a body part of meth.
April 5, 2011 at 6:54 pm
Jamie bowers
Love this post. Poor fab, tied to a tree, she must have been worried sick about you, watching you. But seriously, how sweet is that. A rose.
April 5, 2011 at 10:13 pm
jshady
I was worried sick about me!
April 5, 2011 at 8:01 pm
Tim
Did she know you were from Wisconsin?
April 5, 2011 at 10:14 pm
jshady
I don’t think she even knew she was in L.A.
April 6, 2011 at 8:36 am
jeremyrscott
You know, taking a second look at that photo, there is an awful lot of leaves and branches with that rose. She probably ripped it out of the neighbors rose bush while you were taking in the last box.
April 6, 2011 at 2:37 pm
llisa
I can’t wait to get old.
ya get away with ANYTHING!