…but first, let me bring you up to speed: Some fucked-up family of human trash from Pennsylvania thought it would be brilliant to name their son Adolf Hitler Campbell. Cute, right?

Well, it was little Adolf’s birthday this past weekend, so the family decided to head on over to their local ShopRite and place an order at the bakery for a cake that read “Happy Birthday, Adolf Hitler.” The family also requested a swastika be placed on the cake in icing.

ShopRite, being the only rational and normal voice in this entire story, refused to fill the order.

But all of that, believe it or not, isn’t the best part of the story. The best parts of the story are these three facts:

1. The family also has two daughters, one of whom is named JOYCELYNN ARYAN NATION CAMPBELL.

2. When denied by ShopRite, the Campbells turned to the bakery section of their local Wal-Mart, WHO FILLED THE ORDER WITHOUT QUESTION.

3. Around twelve people attended the birthday party on Sunday, including children who were of MIXED RACE.

First, if you name your kid “Hitler” or “Aryan Nation” or “White Power” or what-fucking-ever, your kids should be taken away from you and you should be shot. No trial, no jury, no judge. Just shot. You clearly contribute nothing to the earth.

Second, Wal-Mart obviously embraces Nazis! But in their defense, most of the people who work there probably don’t know who Adolf Hitler was or what a swastika is.

And third, if you’re going to be a white supremacist, at least be thorough! You can’t have your cake and eat it, too. Pun intended.

Christ. Why was I not surprised that Wal-Mart showed up in a story about Adolf Hitler?

Good luck getting laid in college, Adolf.

Low prices for racists,