You are currently browsing the monthly archive for April 2009.

Why? Because of this.

You should all be ashamed of yourselves, you greedy fucks. Someone should come down to your offices and punch each and every one of YOU in the head.


If you rent from these assholes, break your lease. And if you see their name on a property you’re thinking about renting, look elsewhere.


So I have two new children’s books coming out this August. I’m going to wait on talking about the second one until the work on it has wrapped, but the first one is a book called “The Lava is a Floor!”

I wrote the book with my longtime friend (and old college roommate) Jeremy R. Scott (also known in larger circles as “Jocco”), and once again it was an honor and a privilege to be able to work with someone I’ve known for so long.

“The Lava is a Floor!” is the tale of a brother and sister duo of monsters named Blarg and Clarg who live in the crater of a volcano. One day, they find themselves bored as can be and decide to use their imaginations and pretend to become the weirdest creatures they know: humans.

Jeremy did a great (and exceptionally fast) job at bringing Blarg and Clarg to life, and I wanted to share the first five pages of the book with you here:

"The Lava is a Floor!" page one

"The Lava is a Floor!" page two

"The Lava is a Floor!" page three

"The Lava is a Floor!" page four

"The Lava is a Floor!" page five

Published by Silverline Books under the umbrella of Image/Shadowline Comics, “The Lava is a Floor!” will be available in specialty shops and comic stores this August, and all other bookstores across the country this November, just in time for the Holidays!

So keep an eye out here for more “Lava” updates and shenanigans, and stay tuned for the announcement of my other children’s book.

I can’t believe they let me write kids’ books,



Reminisce here:

Dorothy was my favorite Golden shower,


I just started doing some freelance writing for “Variety” and my first assignment was a piece on composer Harry Gregson-Williams and his work on the “Metal Gear Solid” series of video games.

You can check out the article here.

In addition to getting to speak with Gregson-Williams himself, I also had the opportunity to interview Hideo Kojima, the creator of “Metal Gear Solid.”


“Tetris” deserves a big-budget score,


…if you’re into free streaming music.

Check out my profile here.

Mama told me not to come,


Check out this video:

Then click here and read the moronic comments people left about the video.


Thanks to Dwellephant for sending that my way this morning.

Let’s put bombs in morons’ heads,


…about a month ago, and I asked her to bring me back some foreign currency because I usually dig the art on the bills.

She brought me back this:

2,000 Vietnamese dongs

Here in America, we have dollars. In Vietnam, they have dongs. One U.S. dollar is worth approximately 17,000 Vietnamese dongs, so this 2,000 dong mark is worth only about eleven cents.

That last paragraph was the best thing I’ve ever written.

But the best part is what’s printed on the bill. If you look closely, it says “HAI NGHIN DONG.”

Heh. Hahaha! AWESOME!

Thanks, Lille!

If anyone out there wants to send me foreign currency (low denominations, obviously) I’d consider it an honor to make fun of your money here on “The Blarg.”

Send money to:

8635 Cashio Street, #10
Los Angeles, CA

Just me and my Vietnamese hanging dong,


Learn why here.

And then watch this preview for her documentary:

Waiting to be Mr. Andrea Wachner,


…is making the rounds on a few shows to promote “Lost.”

Here he is on “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” from last week:

And from “The Bonnie Hunt Show” earlier today:

He’s also currently in Spain to promote the launch of Season Five there, and did this bizarre (and slightly awkward) show with puppets:

Jorge also made a stop in Germany last week, and as much as I’d love to post the lederhosen picture I just got in an email, I don’t want to steal the thunder from Jorge’s eventual blog post.

Also, be sure to check out my sister’s blog to see more pictures from the trip, and remember to watch “Lost” tomorrow night on ABC!

Hurley is my favorite Wisconsin city,


And I have to admit that it kind of makes me sad that I’m no longer an hour away from Chicago.

Check out the entire line-up here.



Old Poop!