You are currently browsing the monthly archive for May 2009.

…who shall remain nameless, just sent me this email:

Subject: Pie Off

Sent: Thu 5/21/2009 6:24 PM


On Sunday, May 31st we’re having a pie competition down here! Save the date.

Heh… I don’t even know what that means, but I’ll definitely save the date.

Not your typical Bakers Square,


…to the photo page at

Check it here.

Mama, don’t take my Kodachrome away,


…or even mildly well-off, I would do this. It’s a pretty awesome opportunity for an incredibly worthy cause.

Sadly, all I could do was donate the $10.

Maybe next time, Trent.

Anyway, donate if you can.

I did what I could,


The Hugest Asshole in the World

“…blah blah… rhetoric, propaganda, blah blah… intense interrogation methods, 9/11, blah blah blah… Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, Saddam Hussein, Osama bin Laden, blah blah blah blah… terror, terrorism, terrorists, terra cotta, terra firma, Tara Reid.”

“I mentioned 9/11, right?”



Traction Avenue Chamber Orchestra

This Monday (May 25th, Memorial Day), my good friend Ali Helnwein will be conducting his orchestra, the Traction Avenue Chamber Orchestra, just east of downtown Los Angeles.

The best part? It’s free!

I won’t be able to make it myself (I’m heading to San Francisco for the weekend), but if you’re in the area and are looking for something new, be sure to head on over and check them out. They always put on a great concert.

Here are the details:

Traction Avenue Chamber Orchestra
Monday, May 25th (Memorial Day) @ 7PM
1820 Industrial Street
Los Angeles, CA

Dig it!

I used to play the flute,


Pixar's "UP"

…and the first thought that came to mind after the lights came up was this: “I wish Pixar would stop making movies that make me cry.”

I mean, I’m a 32-year-old man! I have a shaved head (approximately 70% of which is by choice)! I have piercings! Tattoos! And yet there I sat, teary-eyed like a school boy with a skinned knee, all because of a cartoon about an old man and his floating house!

Man… you’re ruining my street cred, Pixar!

The screening was at El Capitan… wait a minute. Let me back up a second.

Last night, Kathy and I watched the series premiere of the new show “Glee.” I thought it was alright, but Kathy absolutely loved it. She especially loved the character of Sue, a hardass cheerleading coach as played by the always brilliant Jane Lynch.

For those of you who don’t know, Jane Lynch is a character actress who has been in “Best In Show,” “A Mighty Wind” and “Talladega Nights,” to name a few.

Here she is in “The 40-Year-Old Virgin” with Steve Carell:

Jane Lynch in "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" with Steve Carell.

Anyway, on our way to the theater, Kathy was talking to our friend Lille about “Glee” and how much she loves Jane Lynch. Fast-forward ten minutes to us taking our seats in the balcony directly next to… Jane Lynch.

Once again, Los Angeles doesn’t fail at being both insanely bizarre and incredibly ironic.

But let’s get back on track here and talk about “Up.”

First, I should point out that I had fairly high, yet limited expectations for this movie. I had high expectations because in Pixar’s previous nine attempts I’ve only been disappointed once (“Cars”); I had limited expectations because it was the follow-up film to “Wall-E,” a movie I not only think is their best, but also my favorite movie of 2008.

So I walked into the theater both excited and realistic. I assumed we would be seeing a movie that was somewhere in the realm of pretty good, but far from the world of perfection.

I was wrong.

Pixar has somehow managed to take a story about an old man, a young boy, a talking dog and an exotic bird and turn it into a movie that has more heart than 99% of the live-action films being made today.

I found myself actually caring about this old fart! I cared about his past, his well-being… even his house! And he’s played by Ed Asner! What’s wrong with me?!?

But the truth is that there’s nothing wrong with me. The folks at Pixar have just become as masterful in their storytelling as they are in their animation. Because of this, we’re given movies that are as brilliant as they are beautiful.

I said this in the car on the way home, and the more I think about it the more I think it’s true: Pixar makes great movies because their audience isn’t necessarily a deciding factor. They make great movies for themselves; each film seems to be an extremely personal creation to everyone on the team. You can sense it.

That’s why their films aren’t littered with catchy radio-hit jingles, or princes and princesses waiting to fall in love after 90 minutes. They make movies they like to watch. And because of that, most of us like to watch them, too.

I’ve said this in the past about Pixar and I hope it never ceases to be true: What they produce not only impresses me, but it also makes me insanely jealous. It makes me think, “Why couldn’t I have thought of that?” or, “How can I create at least one thing this brilliant before I’m placed in a pine box?”

“Up” is proof of the fact that Pixar’s products consistently go well beyond the boundaries of good filmmaking and enter the realm of cinematic excellence.

I could bore you with story plots and sound design and character outlines, but none of that is as important as me saying this to you: Go see “Up” as soon as you possibly can. You won’t be disappointed.

And bring Kleenex.

Jane Lynch loved it, too,




…right here:

Makes me want to pay for their programs,


Mayor Jim Fouts of Warren, Michigan is making a bold statement as a proud American by being a hypocritical and remarkably unAmerican douche.

To bring you up to speed, Fouts issued an executive order last summer in Warren, requiring that all government employees buy American brands the next time they purchase a vehicle.

Punishment for buying a Toyota or a Honda? Job termination.

This past Monday, Fouts mailed over 200 letters to municipal and school officials in neighboring districts and counties encouraging them to do the exact same thing.

So if you happen to live in one of these areas and are both a government employee and a big fan of Nissan or Lexus, sorry, but fuck you. Buy a Chrysler.

I encourage anyone who finds themselves within the grips of this Nazi to do two things: Buy whatever the fuck you want, and vote this turdbag out of office the first chance you get.

Oust Fouts,


…but that doesn’t mean I can’t talk about his new blog.

A good friend of mine works as a patient transporter at a hospital and, man, does he have some fucked-up stories to share with the world.

He recently started up a blog to spread the word (like Swine Flu) about just how crazy his job is. He runs the site anonymously for fear of work-related retribution (also known as “being fired”), and rightfully so.

So give his blog a read and remember his stories every time you check yourself or a loved one into the hospital.


Something’s wrong with my vagina bone,


Old Poop!