I’m no purist when it comes to coffee (though my girlfriend is an unabashed coffee snob), but maybe I should be.

Yes, I will happily drink gas-station brown sludge if I have to, no problem. Of course, I would prefer a good cup of coffee (I do miss Alterra in Milwaukee), but sometimes (as in today, the 1st of the month, when rent’s due) you just have to settle for what you can afford.

Today I could afford this $5.99 tub of Ralphs Value brand ground coffee, Cafe Molido style:

Whale Pussy Coffee

It tastes like the slop that falls out of a whale’s pussy during menstruation.

Of course, I’m going to use every single last drop of this shit because, well, I paid for it. However, I encourage each and every one of you to avoid this shit like the plague.

Worse tasting than underwear stains,

-Shady