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Have a great one, folks!


…I’m officially off the market.

The clock is ticking, single ladies/unhappily married housewives.

I’m gonna get shit for this one,


…no pun intended:

To get in on the joke, listen to this episode.

I’m laughing so hard I’m crying,


…I ate leftovers for dinner. Alone.

Jorge, on the other hand, did this:

Once again, he wins,



No, not because I’ve seen the “light” of the GOP because we all know that’s never going to happen. And no, it’s not because I’m disheartened with what Obama has or hasn’t done with his time in office thus far. (Though both Obama and his administration should be ashamed of themselves for their ridiculous appeal attempts against both same-sex marriage in Massachusetts, and of the recent repeal of the military’s repugnant “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. But I digress….)

The reason I was going to encourage you to vote Republican next Tuesday is simple: It would be an insurance policy for 2012. Let me explain.

As it stands, Democrats rule Washington and, in doing so, are absorbing 100% of the blame for pretty much everything. Of course, they’re far from perfect because… well, they’re politicians. But to say that Democrats are entirely responsible for the woes of America would be like blaming the CW for all crappy television. Crappy television existed before the CW came along and, sadly, it will continue to exist long after it’s gone.

Still, I honestly was okay with throwing a few Democrats under the proverbial bus. For me, the math was simple:

U.S. Congress – Democrats + Republicans = GOP-ruled Congress in 2012

This way, when Obama’s ready for his reelection bid, the tables will have been turned. At that point, we can all point at the Republicans and blame them for the country’s miseries.

But you know what? I’ve changed my mind. Of course, I personally had no real intention of voting for a Republican (or, God forbid, a Tea Party) candidate, mostly because there isn’t enough soap in the world to cleanse me of having done so. But I honestly was fine with others doing it if it ensured a second term for Obama in two years. You know, the whole “breaking a few eggs for an omelet” mentality.

Now, as some of you may already know, I’m not a huge proponent of Obama. Sure, I voted for him against McCain but that was only out of necessity. Still, I’m a firm believer in giving the man a chance. So this message isn’t aimed toward those who voted for McCain in 2008, and it surely isn’t geared toward anyone who has ever attended a Tea Party event or is an avid listener/viewer of Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly or Rush Limbaugh. Instead, this message is aimed at the sane folks who voted for Obama two years ago, but aren’t all that happy or excited with the current state of affairs.

Again, my message and my math are simple. This one’s a word problem:

George spends eight years destroying a house. By the time he leaves it, the house is barely standing; it’s just a frame with a few nails sticking out here and there. Barack then comes in and tries to get the house back up to code. After two years, the house is definitely better than it was before, but it has a long way to go and still looks pretty awful. And so the question is: Who’s responsible for the state of the house?

You don’t need to be a genius to know that eight is greater than two.

So give it time, folks. Be patient. Disneyland wasn’t built in a day. Or was that Rome? Either way, they’re both accurate.

Bush and his army of fellow Republicans had carte blanche with this country for six years. Giving Democrats another two to figure things out and push forward some real progress isn’t going to hurt. Besides, what will Republicans have to complain about if they win?

So fight the good fight next Tuesday. And spread the word.

Remember: It’s not over until Rush Limbaugh dresses in drag and sings.



Check it out here!

Getting better with each one,


do the world a favor and march yourself into the ocean.

This song is dedicated to you, McCance:

Your level of douchebaggery amazes me,


…for best decorated. Click on the image to view a larger version.

Not only is the cat two stories tall, and it straddles the sidewalk allowing people to walk underneath it, but its head also turns from side to side!

Holy crap!

They should have a Halloween-off with Jorge,


…for naming our cat Meatshake.

That’s still a pretty awesome name for a cat.

Hope you find him/her,


A few months ago I had the pleasure of attending the lucha libre/burlesque/comedy variety show that is Lucha VaVOOM. Remember?

Well, Lucha VaVOOM returns to Los Angeles this week with two performances at the Mayan on October 27th and 28th. Don’t live in Los Angeles and still want to see the show? You might be in luck. After Lucha’s two-night stint here, the gang is hitting the road for a handful of out-of-town dates.

Check ’em:

10/31:  San Francisco, CA @ Filmore
11/04:  Philadelphia, PA @ Electric Factory
11/06:  Asbury Park, NJ @ Convention Hall
11/08:  Boston, MA @ Royal Boston
11/09:  New York, NY @ Webster Hall
11/11:  Chicago, IL @ Park West

If you’re anywhere near any of those venues on those dates do yourself a favor and go. You’ll be glad you did. Why? Because Lucha VaVOOM has tiny bits of everything that makes life so great: wrestling, nudity and comedy.

Don’t believe me? Check it out for yourself.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

I told you!

So if you’re in L.A. this week, come on out and buy me a beer. Or go to one of the other dates in another city and buy someone who looks like me a beer. Just look for the nearest bald white guy wearing dark-rimmed glasses. There’s a billion of us out there.

Order tickets to Lucha VaVOOM here.

Can’t wait for Wednesday,


Old Poop!