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…in response to this email I received from him last Friday:
Subject: WHAT THE FUCK?
I look forward to my daily “Blarg” and it really pisses me off when there is nothing new to read.
I don’t care if it’s a story about Mr. Fabulous farting, Kathy farting… whatever. I need my daily “Blarg!” I thought we would have gotten updates on your anal detox treatment… my bad, annual detox treatment. Just so you know, there are people out here in cyberspace who actually give a fuck about your daily doings. How sad is that?
So get out there and take pictures, post videos, or just write something about nothing. I don’t give a fuck; I’m bored at work.
Sorry for the delay in “Blarg” updates, but I’m really glad to hear that receiving updates on my sometimes senseless and mostly ridiculous life experiences is that important to some people.
You’re right, I do owe you all an update on our most recent detox treatment. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), there was nothing to report this time around. Even though we had to choke down that sludge for seven days in a row, neither Kathy nor I saw any change in our bathroom habits. This is probably due to the fact that the first treatment we did back in 2009 stripped everything out of us… including our intestines.
And now you know!
I promise to never leave you waiting for an update on our bowel movements for that long ever again.
Back in the saddle,
…has been making a weird noise for a few days now, so today I reached down into it and pulled this out:
Yeah, that was probably it.
That’s the creepiest mask ever,
…THE PACKERS ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL!
This post is in reply to this email I got from him this morning:
Two days have passed since the Packers beat the Bears to go to the Super Bowl, yet we haven’t seen a “Blarg” post about it.
What are you, some pussy-whipped spouse-to-be who is afraid of his future Bear-loving in-laws? Or have you turned into some California-loving liberal freak?
Get to it.
– Uncle Bob
…and he gave me this in return:
I should get it framed,
…Columbia El Castillo!
It’s a new bag,
Yes, I stole some Maker’s, Bethany,