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About a year and a half ago, Mr. Fabulous was diagnosed with glaucoma in her right eye. Since then, we’ve been treating her eye with regular visits to the eye doctor and a barrage of eyedrops.

At first, she was getting eight eyedrops a day: three in the morning, two at dinner, and three before bed. As of last week, she was up to 14 drops a day. Needless to say, it wasn’t fun for us, but it especially wasn’t fun for her.

In the last couple of months, we started to notice that she was bumping her head into things. She also stopped flinching or blinking when we’d administer her drops. Of course, we assumed something had changed.

Last week, that assumption proved correct when the doctor gave her a full checkup and concluded she was now officially blind in her right eye. She still has good vision and pressure in her left eye, but that doesn’t make the diagnosis any less shitty.

I adopted Mr. Fabulous when she was four months old.

Four-month-old Mr. Fabulous! With good eyesight!

This November, she’ll turn nine.

Of course, this is the natural progression of life. These things happen. But I guess I never really thought of Mr. Fabulous as being “old” until just recently. And, to be honest, that makes me a little bit sad.

Now that she’s blind we’re on to the next phase, which is figuring out what longterm solution to tackle so she (at least) isn’t living in pain with horrible pressure in an eye that is no longer of any use to her. We have a few options (yes, this is one of them), and I’ll be sure to let everyone know what we end up doing when we figure it out.

I know Mr. Fabulous is kind of like everyone’s dog, especially to those of you who come around and/or visit regularly. I love sharing her with all of you, so like I said, when we know, you’ll know.

Here’s hoping she keeps the vision in her good/remaining eye for the rest of her days. If not, we’ll probably have to go out and adopt her a seeing-eye dog.

If anyone wants to donate an eye,

-Shady

Luckily, I have my calendar to remind me of how awesome it was!

October 2007: Quite possibly my best month ever?!?

Apparently, Sunday the 21st was extremely awkward

Awkward.

…and I’m pretty sure a majority of my activities on Monday the 22nd and Tuesday the 23rd were illegal in most states.

I'm wanted in 37 states.

Wednesday the 24th and Thursday the 25th involved a lot of crying and pooping…

Sorry, KB!

…and my week ended extremely busy on Friday the 26th with lots of reading and lunch with an American television star… after he went bat-shit insane.

The lesser of the Camerons.

Thanks to whichever one of my clever friends pulled this off seven years ago.

It was worth the wait,

-Shady

Such a hard choice... but not really.

I know it might seem like I sit at home all day long, drinking whiskey and updating The Blarg, but the truth is I spend much of my day writing.

Lately, most of that writing has been on long-form projects, like screenplays, teleplays, detailed pitches, and (those ever-dreaded) rewrites. The shortest of these projects come in around 30 pages; the longest ones top out around 120.

Because of this, I sometimes take an hour or so to write a short comedic sketch (between one to ten pages) to break up the monotony of those more long-form projects. Over the past couple years I’ve written about a dozen of them; but while they’re fun to write as an exercise, nobody ever really gets to read them.

So to remedy this, I’ve decided to put them out there for everyone to read. I’m doing this for two reasons:

1. I like to share! That, and it’s better than having them sit on my hard drive until I’m dead.

2. It’s my hope that someone out there might be inspired to actually do something with them. Want to film it as a short? Awesome. Interested in animating it? Go for it. Feel like performing it onstage somewhere? I double-dog dare you. All I ask is that you give me credit where it’s due, and (if possible) send me a copy of the final product to check out. I’ll even put it up on The Blarg to share with the four people who visit my site. Hi, Meryl!

The eleventh of Shady’s Shorts is called “Sophie’s Choice.”

Download it by clicking below.

DOWNLOAD “SOPHIE’S CHOICE”

Number ten,

-Shady

“Sophie’s Choice” is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License. Created by Justin Shady, ©2014.
Creative Commons License

…but if you haven’t, it’s basically a show that tells (and recreates) the true stories of people who are horrifically murdered by family members. Horrible, true, but pretty standard. After all, most homicide victims were killed not by a stranger, but by a trusted loved one.

Still, for whatever reason, Blood Relatives features a shocking amount of “dead things in jars” in their episodes. For real.

Judy killed her more rich/beautiful/successful sister Leslie and stuffed her in a freezer. Cue the dead raccoon in a jar!

Jake killed his parents after Thanksgiving dinner. Cue the dead hamster in a jar!

Phillip killed his Uncle Bill when he failed to fulfill his promise and take him to a ballgame. Cue the dead pig in a jar!

Investigation Discovery's "Blood Relatives" = DEAD SHIT IN JARS!

Seriously. In any given episode, Blood Relatives showcases more dead things in jars than Ed Gein’s farmhouse.

If you’ve seen this show before, pay attention from now on. If you haven’t seen this show before… well, you’re probably a well-adjusted pillar of society, so move along. There’s nothing for you to see here.

Except a ton of dead shit in jars.

I think Investigation Discovery owns stock in dead shit,

-Shady

Rick Rubin! SummerSlam!

That makes me love him even more than I already do,

-Shady

Back when I was living in Columbus, Ohio my friends and I started a quote wall. Whenever a bit of brilliance (or otherwise) poured out of someone’s mouth, somebody would yell “Quote!” thus nominating it for Quote Board status. The quote then had to be seconded by someone (it almost always was), and then it would be written down to be forever immortalized on the Quote Board.

This is the modern day equivalent of that classic piece of my past.

CUP O' MEAT!

QUOTE BOARD:

“You want a cup of meat?”

– Kathy, 8/16/14

She asks all the guys that,

-Shady

Hubcaps? More like HUMPCAPS!

Just saying,

-Shady

Dag.

…you knew I had a huge thing for Aladdin.

Before Aladdin was released in November 1992, I wasn’t a huge Disney kid. In fact, to this day I have yet to see The Little Mermaid or Beauty and the Beast (I can hear your collective gasps right now), but there was something about Aladdin that changed things for me.

Back then, I wasn’t aware of what that something was, but as I got older it became more obvious.

On its surface, Aladdin was colorful, funny, smart, and full of pop culture references (something that no animated films were doing at the time, let alone Disney animated films). But beneath all of that, something much more substantial was present. For me, Aladdin was an epiphany, a revelation that creative people could actually make a living making cool shit.

Before its release, I just assumed I’d graduate high school, then go on and graduate college and earn a degree in something I had no passion for, then get a shitty job doing something I hated/resented, and then (eventually, hopefully after a few decades of living life) die.

But Aladdin changed all of that. I can honestly say that it was because of Aladdin that I pursued art school, that I ended up in Ohio, that I have many of the friends I still cherish today, and that I now find myself in the career I’m in. Of course, I’m not the Disney animator I was positive I would be when I was 16 years old, but it’s all connected.

Up until today, I never fully appreciated what role Robin Williams played in that as well. Sure, he was just a voice talent—Disney animated films have hundreds of them—but he was the Genie incarnate, and most definitely responsible for much of the film’s humor and voice.

I’m in no way a card-carrying member of The Robin Williams Fan Club (that hat is worn by my great buddy Latta… whom I met in Ohio because I moved there to become a Disney animator), but the man was most definitely one of the most gifted talents of our time. The World According to Garp. Good Morning, Vietnam. The Fisher King. Awakenings. Hook. What Dreams May Come. Dead Poets Society. Being Human. Jumanji. One Hour PhotoToys. Mrs. Doubtfire. The Birdcage. And on, and on, and on.

But most importantly (at least for me), Aladdin.

Unlike nearly all other celebrity deaths, this one feels a bit personal because, back in 1992, Robin Williams had a creative hand in something that changed my life forever. Even if he never knew it.

The world is slightly less creative today than it was yesterday.

I usually sign off with a final thought that reads as a “sincerely” (something I admit stealing from Dwellephant), but instead I’ll leave you with these two awesome photos.

Three heads are better than two!

One of the better ones.

Back when I was living in Columbus, Ohio my friends and I started a quote wall. Whenever a bit of brilliance (or otherwise) poured out of someone’s mouth, somebody would yell “Quote!” thus nominating it for Quote Board status. The quote then had to be seconded by someone (it almost always was), and then it would be written down to be forever immortalized on the Quote Board.

This is the modern day equivalent of that classic piece of my past.

QUOTE BOARD:

“I feel like I’m literally eating my grandma’s bathroom.”

– Kelsey, 8/8/14

She was talking about these, which my Grandma Shady used to give us as kids.

Still, I kinda get it,

-Shady

That's a few grand worth of typos.

Just saying,

-Shady

Old Poop!