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Throw your hands in the air... for breast self-exams!

I know it might seem like I sit at home all day long, drinking beer and updating The Blarg, but the truth is I spend much of my day writing.

Lately, most of my writing has been on long-form projects. Because of this, I sometimes write a short (most times comedic, other times not so much) to break up the monotony of those longer projects. But while these shorts are fun to write as an exercise, nobody ever really gets to read them.

To remedy this, I’ve decided to share them here. I’m doing this for two reasons:

1. I like to share! That, and it’s better than having them sit on my computer.

2. It’s my hope that someone might be inspired to actually do something creative with them. Want to film one as a short? Awesome. Interested in animating one? Go for it. Feel like performing one live onstage? I dare you. All I ask is that you give me credit where it’s due, and (if possible) send me a copy of the final product.

The twenty-ninth of Shady’s Shorts is called “Mr. Vermis & Mr. Opaca.”

Unlike all of my previous shorts, this short was written for something very specific. A few years ago, I was asked to write a short that would then be performed live during a charity event that was trying to raise awareness for (and money to fight) breast cancer. The event would be a stage performance, and this short—which was written with an old, vaudevillian style in mind—would be broken up into three acts throughout the evening.

As some of you may know, my mother is a breast cancer survivor, so this short took on great meaning when I was cowriting it with my old friend (seriously, like from middle and high school) friend Andrew Gorell.

Unfortunately, the short never got used, so now here it is for you to check out.

Download it by clicking below.

DOWNLOAD “MR. VERMIS & MR. OPACA”

Number twenty-eight,

-Shady

“Mr. Vermis & Mr. Opaca” is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License. Created by Justin Shady, ©2016.
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Back when I was living in Columbus, Ohio my friends and I started a quote wall. Whenever a bit of brilliance (or otherwise) poured out of someone’s mouth, somebody would yell “Quote!” thus nominating it for Quote Board status. The quote then had to be seconded by someone (it almost always was), and then it would be written down to be forever immortalized on the Quote Board.

This is the modern day equivalent of that classic piece of my past.

QUOTE BOARD:

Justin: “What are you watching?”

KB: “Florence and the Henderson are… wait, I mean….”

– KB, while lying in bed and watching a video of a live performance of Florence + The Machine, 5/26/16

The Brady days are over,

-Shady

Owner of the Cocula!

…of this restaurant.

Still funny,

-Shady

Guess that's that then.

Only took eight months,

-Shady

Seeriusly?

Everyone needs a spellchecker,

-Shady

For Christ's sake.

Not even close,

-Shady

It's like "Where's Waldo?" but minus Waldo.

You might be on it,

-Shady

The rubber taco is in my pocket.

Yep,

-Shady

…but something tells me they still haven’t worked out all of the bugs on the mobile version of their site.

Ummm....

...no...

...not even close.

I’d actually go see those bands,

-Shady

What to eat, what to eat? Salad or... that hockey puck of Rainbow Brite's vomit?

…it’s gonna be hard for me to choose what to eat!

That dessert should be studied,

-Shady