Jay Anson's "The Amityville Horror."

…which, in case you haven’t been able to tell, sucked.

As a kid, I loved the movie that this book was based on. Sadly, the movie no longer holds up, but I was hoping the source material would at least be somewhat scary. It isn’t. The main reason? Because, for whatever reason, author Jay Anson loved! Writing! In! All! Exclamation! Points!

I felt like a teenager was screaming the book at me the entire time I read it. Here is an exact transcription of an excerpt from the book:

“She felt the radiator. It was hot!”

Really, dude? It was that hot?

So, yeah. Huge disappointment.

I decided to drop this literary number-two back into the same little free library in our neighborhood that I picked it out of a few weeks ago. But before I did, I updated the cover with a more accurate representation of what was inside.

Jay! Anson's! "The!" "Amityville!" "Horror!"

I’ve! Read! Less! Emphatic! High! School! Love! Letters!,