You are currently browsing the monthly archive for June 2020.

Happy Juneteenth!

So happy to live in this building amongst these awesome people,


Aunt Ciappa!

…for finding (and delivering) Bad Guy and Robot.

She’ll forever be their aunt,


…from this to a more important topic.

And if you think otherwise don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.



We’ve been a one-pet home ever since Mr. Fabulous died in December, and Heisenberg has loved every single second of it. But since she’s a bit of a shit we decided to add not one, but two new pets to the Shady family!

Please meet our two new kittens, Bad Guy (who, of course, is a girl)…

Bad Guy!

…and Robot!


Some backstory on their names: KB and I chose them as a nod to Grey and West’s favorite music video: “Intergalactic” by Beastie Boys.

The video is an homage to Japanese Kaiju films, and in it a robot battles an octopus-headed creature.



The kids have dubbed these two characters Robot and Bad Guy, and they often take on their personas when they play together: “I’ll be Robot. You be Bad Guy.”

We thought that was cute, and believed naming our new furry family members after them would make the kids even more excited for their arrival.

We were wrong.

The kids had other thoughts about what their names should be. Grey wanted to name her cat Balloony (“Because she will like to pop balloons!”), and as time went on she tacked on a couple of middle names (she’s obviously our daughter) including Coconuty and Treetop. West just wanted to call his cat Papery (“Because he will like to write on paper!”).

I told West that if his kitten was able to write on a piece of paper they could name them whatever they wanted. So far, he has yet to do so.

We assumed their love for these names would be fleeting, but their pushback was fierce. Every time we’d mention the kittens’ names it would turn into a battle of wills: “Her name is not Bad Guy! It’s Balloony!”

And so to keep the peace we decided to meet in the middle. The full name of Grey’s cat is Bad Guy Balloony Coconuty Treetop Shady, and West’s is Robot Papery Shady. They even have tags with their full names engraved on them. They’re very large tags.

It’s safe to say our vet will have an easy time remembering these cats.

Bad Guy & Robot!

We’ve yet to fully introduce them to Heisenberg but we’ll keep you posted on the transition as it plays out. At this point we’re just hoping Heisenberg doesn’t immediately murder/eat them… because they are pretty damn cute.

Balloony & Papery!

And coming soon… another dog,


Jim Quillen’s memoir, and I’m now on to a book I’ve been looking forward to reading for a long time: Beastie Boys Book by Adam “Ad-Rock” Horovitz and Michael “Mike D” Diamond.

I strap on my ear goggles and I'm ready to go!

This next one is… the first song… on our new album,


Bye, A.B.!

…after a fun six months together. Miss and love you, A.B.!

I drink wine in the bathroom,


Back when I was living in Columbus, Ohio my friends and I started a quote wall. Whenever a bit of brilliance (or otherwise) poured out of someone’s mouth, somebody would yell “Quote!” thus nominating it for Quote Board status. The quote then had to be seconded by someone (it almost always was), and then it would be written down to be forever immortalized on the Quote Board.

This is the modern-day equivalent of that classic piece of my past.


KB: “A true biography?”

Emily: “Yeah. That’s the thing about biographies.”

– Emily, 5/24/20

She’s got a point,


…and, I gotta be honest, it’s left me feeling like I have very little to say anymore. Or, more accurately, that anything I could say is pretty fucking meaningless when compared to the seriousness of everything that’s going on.

I no longer feel witty or funny or clever. Instead, I feel angry and pessimistic and just so goddamn tired.

All of these reasons are why I’ve been mostly silent here on The Blarg lately. Maybe that’s the right reaction to this insanity. Maybe it’s wrong. I don’t even know anymore.

That said, I’m going to try and update this a bit more regularly. I promise to stick to stupid shit that will hopefully make you laugh. Partly because that’s what I’m best at, but also because I really don’t feel like there’s anything I can say that hasn’t been said already by smarter, more eloquent people.

Hope you’re all staying safe and sane. More soon.

Black Lives Matter,


Old Poop!