To, duh, my father!

This is probably considered racist now.

My dad was almost always behind the camera, so I don’t have a whole lot of photos of us together in the early years. And by “early years” I mean “the 1970s.”

From what I can tell this is our first photo together.

First photo!

It was also shared by my mom and my godparents: Ed, Nancy, and Robin.

Here’s a photo of us when my dad was rocking a sweet mustache.

Sweet 'stache!

And us at the Milwaukee County Zoo. Yes, I was a sailor.

Zoo!

And finally, a photo of us on my two-year birthday, accompanied by an awesome Herry Monster birthday cake!

Birfday cake! With Herry Monster!

Love you, Dad!

I learned it by watching him,

-Shady

…raw, unedited director’s cut of Grey rocking out to DJ Shadow’s “Nobody Speak.”

So, uh… here you go.

Still not sure if this makes me a good or bad parent,

-Shady

Insta-fabulous!

Print wasn’t enough, so they put her up on their Instagram page!

That’s more likes than I ever got,

-Shady

Mmmmeat.

Thanks to Crouton Ron and Salad Sue for the gift!

Meats beware,

-Shady

Not only will you get some awesome Dwellephant hand lettering on the cover…

"Chicago" magazine's July issue features Dwellephant hand lettering...

…but you’ll also be treated to a photo of Mr. Fabulous wearing sunglasses.

...and Mr. Fabulous.

Mr. Fabulous has been in print more than me,

-Shady

…on December 28th, 2015.

Mr. Dumpulous

When I posted the pic to Facebook a good friend of ours named Greg commented: “This is the most artistic picture of a dog taking a crap I’ve ever seen.”

A couple months later, I sent Greg and Mana (who is Greg’s new wife) a copy of the photo as a wedding gift.

A few weeks ago, Greg sent me this photo:

Fuck the Louvre! My art is hanging in Mana and Greg's bathroom!

That’s right, my photo of Mr. Fabulous taking a dump is now framed and hanging in their bathroom. Greg and Mana can now enjoy this beautiful image for all eternity… or at least every time they take a dump.

I’m honored to have art hanging anywhere in your house, guys, especially in such an important room.

I’m a shartist,

-Shady

Bloody Mary, I killed your baby!

I know it might seem like I sit at home all day long, drinking beer and updating The Blarg, but the truth is I spend much of my day writing.

Lately, most of my writing has been on long-form projects. Because of this, I sometimes write a short (most times comedic, other times not so much) to break up the monotony of those longer projects. But while these shorts are fun to write as an exercise, nobody ever really gets to read them.

To remedy this, I’ve decided to share them here. I’m doing this for two reasons:

1. I like to share! That, and it’s better than having them sit on my computer.

2. It’s my hope that someone might be inspired to actually do something creative with them. Want to film one as a short? Awesome. Interested in animating one? Go for it. Feel like performing one live onstage? I dare you. All I ask is that you give me credit where it’s due, and (if possible) send me a copy of the final product.

The thirtieth of Shady’s Shorts is called “Third Time’s A Charm. So Is The Fifth.”

Download it by clicking below.

DOWNLOAD “THIRD TIME’S A CHARM. SO IS THE FIFTH”

Number twenty-nine,

-Shady

“Third Time’s A Charm. So Is The Fifth.” is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License. Created by Justin Shady, ©2016.

Hello, my name is Justin...

The irony is that’s a health app,

-Shady

…because, you know, what kid didn’t?

Beth and I would throw them out the windows of our dad’s red Ford Escort—on the sly, of course (or so we thought)—whenever he’d pass by someone walking down the street.

At first, it made him nuts. He’d yell, “Don’t do that! You’re gonna get in trouble!” But one day, for some unknown reason, his opinion of our admittedly childish antics made an abrupt and unexpected 180-degree turn.

We were driving east on Morgan Avenue in Milwaukee and, as we approached the top of a small hill, he turned to Beth and I in the backseat and said, “There are two kids riding bikes coming up. Get ’em.”

Beth and I looked at each other and smiled. He didn’t have to tell us twice. We each chucked a bang snap out the window as we passed. As we drove on we heard one of the kids yell to the other kid, “Hold up! I think I just popped a tire!”

Success.

A couple weeks ago, Beth and my dad spent a night at our place. They were headed to London together the next day, and before their trip they decided to stop at a CVS and stock up on snacks for their long flight.

When my dad walked out of the store he handed me this:

BANG!

SNAP!

I’ll be driving with my windows down this summer, that’s for sure.

39 going on 9,

-Shady

Back when I was living in Columbus, Ohio my friends and I started a quote wall. Whenever a bit of brilliance (or otherwise) poured out of someone’s mouth, somebody would yell “Quote!” thus nominating it for Quote Board status. The quote then had to be seconded by someone (it almost always was), and then it would be written down to be forever immortalized on the Quote Board.

This is the modern day equivalent of that classic piece of my past.

QUOTE BOARD:

“I get the reference. Star Trek, right?”

– KB, after Robyn made a Jar Jar Binks joke, 6/3/16

She’s obviously never seen a Star Wars movie,

-Shady

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