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Cesar sleeps in a hyperbaric chamber...

...I mean, seriously. Look at that kid. Hasn't aged a day.

Still smoking (hot) twenty-three years later,

-Shady

Well, here are a few from my past.

First, here I am with my high school girlfriend, Abby-René, at Six Flags Great America in Gurnee, Illinois. If I had to guess, this photo was probably shot sometime in May 1993, just after we went to prom.

Look at all that hair!

Next up, me, Abby-René, Beth, and my old friend Elden. This one was also shot at Great America, probably in May 1994, also just after prom.

We're just babies, man!

And finally, here I am with Emily, an old college girlfriend. Apparently, I was unable to buy clothes that actually fit me. Everything I’m wearing is horribly baggy, and I have no idea what’s going on down in my crotch area. This one was shot in the summer of 1995 at Cedar Point in Sandusky, Ohio.

No idea what's going on down in my crotch area.

Pretty sure camera phones have forced these into extinction,

-Shady

The Cheese Gang of 1994

…and I was 17 years old.

We all rode the yellow bus to school together and were thick as thieves.

Last week, we shared beers together before one of us moved to Germany for work. We’re all fathers now. One of us will even be a grandfather by year’s end.

Where did the last 22 years go?

Great hanging, fellas. Let’s do it again soon. Or at least sooner than 22 years from now because, you know… we’ll all be in our sixties.

Jesus Christ. That’s terrifying.

The Cheese Gang,

-Shady

Matt Krings... 22 years later.

We had both just entered the sixth grade at Jackie Robinson Middle School in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. At the time, Matt was eleven years old. I was ten.

We then both went on to attend Riverside University High School on the city’s east side. The last time we saw each other was at graduation in June 1994.

Two weeks ago, we got sushi together.

Matt turns 40 next week. That same fate awaits me this September.

Here’s hoping we don’t wait another 22 years before we hang out again.

Kicking it really old school,

-Shady

DICK + FOREHEAD = HILARIOUS!

…this may look familiar.

Can’t believe I still have that,

-Shady

…while still a freshman in college, I found myself in need of a white dress shirt.

I don’t really remember what I needed it for (obviously something fancy-pants), but I do remember two important things about purchasing it:

1. I didn’t need it for long, and–

2. I was poor and needed it to be cheap.

So I did what most college students do: I hit up the Goodwill.

While flipping through the racks, I came across not just any old, plain white dress shirt, but one that had my initials monogrammed across the shirt’s front pocket: JRS, for “Justin Robert Shady.”

Needless to say, I bought it. Probably for like $2 or something. And it was most likely a “half-off everything” day at the Goodwill.

Anyway, I’ve held on to this old shirt for nearly twenty years now. I don’t use it for anything fancy-pants anymore, but instead use it in instances when I need a “messy” dress shirt. Like back in October 2009, when our Halloween costumes were Dia de los Muertos skulls.

You can see photos of me wearing the shirt here.

I painted my entire neck black for that costume, so the shirt’s collar got really fucked up. After that, the shirt was never quite the same; a lot of the makeup wouldn’t wash out of it. I haven’t worn it since.

KB and I are getting ready to move soon and have slowly been packing up boxes. When I came across the shirt in my closet the other day I decided it was finally time to say goodbye to it. I figure I’ve definitely gotten my $2 worth.

It’s now sitting at the bottom of a clothes donation bin on Victory Boulevard.

I’m hoping another JRS will pick it up and get another twenty years out of it.

Now that I look at it, that “J” may very well have been a “G,”

-Shady

…right here.

Also, I know I’ve been MIA for a bit, but I was busy visiting family back home and just didn’t have the time to update “The Blarg.” So look forward to having me make it up to you this week with a bunch of new posts, including an exclusive preview of my upcoming book, “The Lava is a Floor!”

Forever young,

-Shady