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…(click here if you have no idea what I’m talking about) is Doug French!

Doug “won” with this short story about the worst gift he ever received:

When I was a kid, our Cub Scout pack had a gift exchange. Names were drawn out of a hat, at which point you would go up and pick a gift. My name came up last, which means I was left with the default gift. Every parent had bought something from the store to donate to the pile, but the parent who donated my “gift” had instead asked their child to craft something. To much derision in front of the group, I was now the owner of a Western pistol made out of a papertowel tube, and a cardboard sheriff’s badge covered in glitter.

Congrats, Doug! I mean… that sucks!

Also, a dishonorable mention to Bill Pearson who entered the following:

Worst gift: A visit from friends in Los Angeles. (See attached picture.)

Thanks, Bill.

I got a lot of entertaining/pitiful stories, so thanks to everyone who entered! Look for your crappy prizes in the mail soon, Doug!

Turning your tales of crappy gifts into crappy prizes,


Back when I was living in Columbus, Ohio my friends and I started a quote wall. Whenever a bit of brilliance (or otherwise) poured out of someone’s mouth, somebody would yell “Quote!” thus nominating it for Quote Board status. The quote then had to be seconded by someone (it almost always was), and then it would be written down to be forever immortalized on the Quote Board.

This is the modern day equivalent of that classic piece of my past.


“You’d make a terrible vulture.”

– Bill Pearson talking to his wife Sarah after she left a bunch of chicken meat on the bone, 7/3/10

Heh… “bone,”


Old Poop!