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…long after the day has come and gone!

Most people say that Christmas officially begins on November 1st. I say that Halloween officially ends on December 25th.

If you’re anything like me and are looking to celebrate Halloween well into December, you’re in luck, because two new horror movies are ready to keep all you blood-thirsty goons satiated until Santa brings his behind down your chimney.

Dig ’em!

"Blood Night: The Legend of Mary Hatchet"

“Blood Night: The Legend of Mary Hatchet” (Chaos Squared)

Synopsis: A modern-day retelling of the Bloody Mary legend. As a kid, Mary Hatchet went nuts and killed her entire family with an ax. While locked up in the local loony bin, a security guard violently rapes her. She gets pregnant, gives birth, and the hospital immediately takes the baby away from her because, you know, SHE KILLED HER FUCKING FAMILY! Later, she somehow manages to go on a kill-crazy rampage through the hospital (luckily, while being naked) and escapes, only to be shot to death by cops shortly thereafter. And now her spirit won’t rest until she gets her baby back!

Why it’s fucking awesome: Man… for so many reasons. First, because Mary Hatchet is played by a hot chick who spends the entire movie running around butt-naked and covered in blood. Look at the poster above! If you like horror movies and naked women, this is the movie for you! Second, because there’s more sex in the first half of this movie than in some pornos. Keep your ears open for a hilarious blow job scene that sounds like Sasquatch eating a bowl of New England clam chowder. And lastly, because the gory special effects are awesome! They kick it old school, with physical props rather than CG, and it looks fantastic… especially when a third of a guy’s face is hacked off and it slides down his head!

How you can own it: The DVD was released yesterday, just in time for Halloween! You can also rent or buy (both by download) a digital copy of the movie by clicking here. To learn more, click here.

"Live Evil"

“Live Evil” (LEM Entertainment)

Synopsis: A cowboy/samurai/priest (I’m not kidding) is on a cross-country hunt, hot on the trail of a gang of vampires who are headed to Los Angeles in search of blood. Drugs, alcohol and venereal diseases have polluted much of America’s bloodstream. Because of this, the vampires have a thirst that only “pure” blood will quench. Luckily, they know a blood dealer on the West Coast who sells some Grade A, blood-bank shit! Will they get their fix? Or will the vampire hunter get them first?

Why it’s fucking awesome: Like most vampire horror movies, this movie has an impressive amount of blood and guts. But “Pure Evil” has something most other vampire horror movies don’t: A FUCKING COWBOY/SAMURAI/PRIEST! Duh! It’s a blood-and-guts, cat-and-mouse chase… WITH A GODDAMN COWBOY/SAMURAI/PRIEST!

How you can own it: On Tuesday, November 3rd, “Live Evil” will be avaiable both for DVD preorders, and on On Demand through all major cable providers. Click here to learn more.

Old Poop!