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Throw your hands in the air... for breast self-exams!

I know it might seem like I sit at home all day long, drinking beer and updating The Blarg, but the truth is I spend much of my day writing.

Lately, most of my writing has been on long-form projects. Because of this, I sometimes write a short (most times comedic, other times not so much) to break up the monotony of those longer projects. But while these shorts are fun to write as an exercise, nobody ever really gets to read them.

To remedy this, I’ve decided to share them here. I’m doing this for two reasons:

1. I like to share! That, and it’s better than having them sit on my computer.

2. It’s my hope that someone might be inspired to actually do something creative with them. Want to film one as a short? Awesome. Interested in animating one? Go for it. Feel like performing one live onstage? I dare you. All I ask is that you give me credit where it’s due, and (if possible) send me a copy of the final product.

The twenty-ninth of Shady’s Shorts is called “Mr. Vermis & Mr. Opaca.”

Unlike all of my previous shorts, this short was written for something very specific. A few years ago, I was asked to write a short that would then be performed live during a charity event that was trying to raise awareness for (and money to fight) breast cancer. The event would be a stage performance, and this short—which was written with an old, vaudevillian style in mind—would be broken up into three acts throughout the evening.

As some of you may know, my mother is a breast cancer survivor, so this short took on great meaning when I was cowriting it with my old friend (seriously, like from middle and high school) friend Andrew Gorell.

Unfortunately, the short never got used, so now here it is for you to check out.

Download it by clicking below.


Number twenty-eight,


“Mr. Vermis & Mr. Opaca” is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License. Created by Justin Shady, ©2016.

…so I’ve donated to Susan G. Komen for the Cure many times over the past five years. As you can imagine, I think their decision to pull funding from Planned Parenthood is about as horribly stupid and misguided as it gets.

Komen’s founder and Chief Executive Nancy G. Brinker says they’re pulling funding because Planned Parenthood is under investigation. This is true.

But what she fails to say is that the investigation, that was launched by Rep. Cliff Stearns (R-FL) last September, is nothing more than a witch hunt. She also conveniently doesn’t mention that many organizations get thrown under the “under investigation” bus because of political posturing and personal vendettas.

The current investigation of Planned Parenthood is no different.

Because of this, I’ve officially written my last check to Susan G. Komen for the Cure. I encourage you all to do the same.

However, if you still find yourself in a charitable mood, please consider a donation to Planned Parenthood.

Making a mockery out of Susan’s name,


Old Poop!