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Spot. On.

I want to wear those almost every day of my life,

-Shady

LIES!!!

Because they use still frames from works of fiction—here, Lost—to promote their clickbait, bullshit articles that are supposedly based in “fact.”

Don’t click on anything with a number in its headline,

-Shady

The Mayans were full of shit.

…the Mayans were full of shit.

If you can’t read this… well, if that’s true who gives a shit, right?

I’m at peace either way,

-Shady

bullshit.

Still go fuck yourself,

-Shady

Yesterday, a ton of news outlets picked up the story of Donna Simpson. Click here to learn more.

The short of the story is this: Donna Simpson is currently the world’s 43rd heaviest woman at a weight of over 600 pounds. But everyone knows that being 43rd in something is simply being the 42nd loser, so Simpson is trying to gain an additional 400+ pounds so she can become the world’s heaviest woman.

But here’s the thing: I’m not convinced this story is true. First, no one interviewed her on camera for the story; everything that exists is just a bunch of random quotes that sound fake. Second, all of the news articles say she’s utilizing a website to raise money to fund her gluttony, yet not one of them linked to it. Also, a quick Google search for the site turned up nothing.

I’m calling it now: This is either a headline from “The Onion” or a great prank, and everyone (from “The Huffington Post” to “The New York Post”) is falling for it hook, line and sinker.

Time will tell if I’m right, I guess.

I’d be happy being the 43rd anything in the world,

-Shady