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Spot. On.

I want to wear those almost every day of my life,



Because they use still frames from works of fiction—here, Lost—to promote their clickbait, bullshit articles that are supposedly based in “fact.”

Don’t click on anything with a number in its headline,


The Mayans were full of shit.

…the Mayans were full of shit.

If you can’t read this… well, if that’s true who gives a shit, right?

I’m at peace either way,



Still go fuck yourself,


Yesterday, a ton of news outlets picked up the story of Donna Simpson. Click here to learn more.

The short of the story is this: Donna Simpson is currently the world’s 43rd heaviest woman at a weight of over 600 pounds. But everyone knows that being 43rd in something is simply being the 42nd loser, so Simpson is trying to gain an additional 400+ pounds so she can become the world’s heaviest woman.

But here’s the thing: I’m not convinced this story is true. First, no one interviewed her on camera for the story; everything that exists is just a bunch of random quotes that sound fake. Second, all of the news articles say she’s utilizing a website to raise money to fund her gluttony, yet not one of them linked to it. Also, a quick Google search for the site turned up nothing.

I’m calling it now: This is either a headline from “The Onion” or a great prank, and everyone (from “The Huffington Post” to “The New York Post”) is falling for it hook, line and sinker.

Time will tell if I’m right, I guess.

I’d be happy being the 43rd anything in the world,


Old Poop!