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…these figures to be exact:

George Lucas smells like onions!

George Lucas smells like onions!

And here is my description for the auction:

This set of six intergalactic pieces of plastic include:

– Red Phallic Head Man
– Buttface
– Greedo
– Brown Turd-Shaped Head Monster
– Creature Wearing Turquoise w/ Two Penises Coming Out Of His Head
– Grover

Figures don’t have any of their accessories because I probably ate them when I was a little kid. Also, I’m sure they contain my DNA because I spent a lot of time biting and sucking on them as a little brat.

This will work to your advantage because, just like that mosquito trapped in amber, these toys could be the key to one day opening a tourist location on a remote island where you have nothing but clones of me running around.

You should see how quickly I can eat an entire goat!

Bidding on my childhood dreams (which are now crushed) begins at .99 cents. Buyer agrees to pay additional $6.00 for Priority Shipping. Additional services available if Buyer inquires first and agrees to pay for any and all additional services. Will ship my childhood internationally as long as Buyer agrees to pay for any and all shipping costs. I figure it’s appropriate seeing as how most of my dreams were made in China. Buyer should inquire first about shipping costs to their specific country before bidding.

I accept PayPal, money orders and checks. Checks must be cleared (approximately ten days) before item ships.

If you’re interested in bidding, hop on over to eBay and do a search for “Buttface.” I’m sure it will come up.


So I’ve already got three tattoos and (it’s true what they say, they’re addictive) I’m ready for another.

I’d like to get a fourth tattoo in 2009, and have finally decided what the art for it will be.

I plan on getting this image tattooed just above my ass crack:

Just imagine seeing this directly above my hairy ass crack.

EXHIBIT A: Just imagine seeing this directly above my hairy behind.

Pretty cool, right?

And then I figured I’d try and convince my girlfriend to get this image tattooed on her stomach, just above her crotch:

And this just above your girlfriend's crotch.

EXHIBIT B: My girlfriend's future tattoo.

I figure with these tattoos adorning our naked bodies it’ll make for some really freakish mutant sex.

Not like we don’t have that already.

Is oral from Walrus Man actually anal?


Old Poop!