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…is getting a card from Paul Reubens.



Cooler than Santa Claus and/or Baby Jesus,


So. Great.

And thanks to Erik and Robyn for sending the best Valentine’s Day cards ever.

I over-thought it.

That cipher admittedly took me a lot longer than it should have,


…but for those who didn’t get a holiday card from the Shadys last December, it looked a little something like this:

Happy Holidays! Months late!

It’s almost Valentine’s Day,


Two cats shy of the whole family.

Did somebody say wish?

Don’t let Fox News fool you, even atheists are still saying it!

Not nearly as epic as last year’s card,


Only off by thirty-nine!

…but this is actually my fortieth Thanksgiving.

Oh… that card was for Grey, wasn’t it?

Guess the $5 bill inside wasn’t for me then either,


…for making this banner for Grey when we came back from the hospital.

"Welcome Home, Grey" banner by Anthony!

He also made this card…

And this card...

…which—even though it features a drawing of our entire family, including Grey—has absolutely nothing to do with her arrival. Instead…

...which is only for me and has nothing to do with Grey...

…he wanted to congratulate me on Vendetta.

...but instead is about "Vendetta."

I contributed to the creation of two things in 2015,



It’s what’s inside that counts,


Fuck yeah...


The feeling is mutual… dildos,


…yesterday, and decided to turn it into a Mother’s Day card for my mom.

My "real" Mother's Day card...

Oddly enough, the back of it even had her real first name (Betty) printed on it.

...personally made out to my awesome mom, Betty!

I’m hoping she doesn’t notice that it’s not really from me.

Hoping to find another one before Father’s Day,


…and the words “(enough said)” were written on the front of an envelope I found on the ground last week.

Mon ami (enough said)

The envelope was sealed. When I opened it, I found this card inside.

Miss You

Written inside the card was this note.


(NOTE: I erased the names of the sender and recipient because KB said I should respect their privacy… even if I did find it on the ground.)

Placed loose inside the envelope was this silver heart.


I’m assuming the intended recipient of the card will never see this, which kind of makes me sad. But rather than let it pass forgotten into the bottom of a dumpster somewhere, I figured I’d put it up here for posterity.

Maybe mon ami will happen across it someday,


Old Poop!