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Back when I was living in Columbus, Ohio my friends and I started a quote wall. Whenever a bit of brilliance (or otherwise) poured out of someone’s mouth, somebody would yell “Quote!” thus nominating it for Quote Board status. The quote then had to be seconded by someone (it almost always was), and then it would be written down to be forever immortalized on the Quote Board.

This is the modern day equivalent of that classic piece of my past.


Beth: “God, there’s a lot of cheese on this pizza.”

KB: “There’s a lot of cheese on this guy’s face.”

– KB watching Dr. Pimple Popper videos… while sitting next to Beth as she eats deep-dish pizza, 3/1/18

They were both right,


$500 meat, fruit, and cheese plate... that was good, but not THAT good.

…that we CLEARLY didn’t pay for.

I forgot to post this back in February, when it happened.

Ain’t no meat, fruit or cheese that good,


After nearly a decade of unsuccessfully plotting out the world’s most perfect cheese table display, some fool at our local Vons grocery store left out their cheese table schematics map! And I found it! High-five!

Hmmm… they have some interesting concepts going on here, but what makes it work? When I lay out my cheese table I also match the Italian softs with the Italian hards, but yet my cheese table fails time and again!

Wait a minute… they place all cheese balls, logs, wedges and processed cheese cups on the opposite end cap? That’s it!

Now I, too, can have the perfect cheese table! Thanks, idiot at Vons who let precious information slip through your fingers! Some day soon I will finally be able to compete with you and your impressive cheese table.

Now if I could just figure out where to place those individually-wrapped slices,


He speaks the truth,



If you’re anything like me (especially if you’re from Wisconsin), you’re gonna love this!

Recipes for 2010,


Old Poop!