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…(ba-dum-bum), but I was spending most of my free time finishing up my ninth spec script (which I will be sharing with everyone here later next month).

That said, it’s done! So look for a whole slew of new posts coming shortly.

Getting harder to balance all life has to offer,


It's the Muppet Show... on that guy's back.

I want a Fozzie rug,


Back when I was living in Columbus, Ohio my friends and I started a quote wall. Whenever a bit of brilliance (or otherwise) poured out of someone’s mouth, somebody would yell “Quote!” thus nominating it for Quote Board status. The quote then had to be seconded by someone (it almost always was), and then it would be written down to be forever immortalized on the Quote Board.

This is the modern day equivalent of that classic piece of my past.


Justin: “I think Taken 3 was worse than Taken 2, which is saying a lot.”

KB: “Eh… I like that the wife died.”

– KB, 4/19/15

She’s an anti-wife wife,


Oh, man.

…with this amazing pack of reusable stickers…

More hilarity!

…this short deck of playing cards…

Funny Pages!

…and this newsprint edition of The Funny Pages.

The envelopes they come in are pretty sweet, as well.

Sick Santa!

Dead Santa!

Funeral Santa!

Thanks again to Erik and Robyn for the gift that keeps on giving!

The envelopes are hanging amongst our Christmas cards,



…but I swear I never met that woman, nor did I perform her butt surgery.

Covering my ass… and apparently she should’ve covered hers,


The Ultimate Warrior: 1959-2014


So, I’ll be honest: I was never a huge Ultimate Warrior fan. As a kid, I always found myself rooting for Hulk Hogan, especially when the two would square off against each other. Sure, the Warrior was the next generation of wrestlers—and, some might argue, the future of the company—but I came into wrestling (and left wrestling) a Hulkamaniac.

Still, that doesn’t mean I never rooted for him. On July 31st, 1988, my mom took me to WWF WrestleFest at Milwaukee County Stadium.

WWF Wrestlefest 1988

As you can see, a lot of soon-to-be wrestling icons wrestled that night. For me, the highlight of the evening was seeing Hogan battle Andre the Giant in a steel cage match, but just as memorable was the Warrior fighting Bobby ‘The Brain” Heenan in a “Loser Wears a Weasel Costume” match.

Obviously, the 11-year-old me was rooting for the Warrior that night. And, just as obviously, the match ended like this:

Bobby "The Brain" Heenan... in a weasel costume!

And you know what? Two years ago, I chose to wear this face paint for our Wrestlemania XXVIII party:

"Should I lie on the lawn and let them run over me with lawnmowers?"

And so, while the Warrior’s passing doesn’t have the same effect on me as, say, the deaths of some other wrestlers (who take their vitamins and say their prayers, for example), he definitely held a special place in the wrestling years of my childhood. I’m glad I got to see him wrestle in person.

Fifty-percent of that poster is now dead,


GWAR's Dave Brockie (Oderus Urungus): 1963-2014


A few years ago, Erik Rose interviewed Dave for “Tastes Like Chicken.” I tagged along and shot a few photos. You can check it all out here.

My camera has never been so sticky,


Good riddance!

…oh, and FRED PHELPS DIED!!!

Today is most definitely a good day.

See you in hell, asshole,


Maximilian Schell: 1930-2014

Sadly, I told him no. I had to catch a train back home that was leaving in a couple of hours.

In hindsight, I wish I had gone.

I’ll never turn down such an odd offer again,


This week, I decided I would no longer be publishing “dead” posts on “The Blarg.”

Over time, I’ve come to feel those posts are too easy. That, and a shitload of people have been dying recently, and I’m nervous of “The Blarg” becoming an obituary site. I decided that the Phyllis Diller post would be the last of its kind; I figured she was a good one to go out on.

And then yesterday, legendary Muppet performer Jerry Nelson died.

So instead of ignoring Nelson’s passing, I’ve decided that every once in awhile, when the situation warrants it, I’ll handle “dead” posts like this.

Nelson was the hands beneath and the voice behind many of the Muppets greatest characters. On “Sesame Street,” he was the Amazing Mumford, Herry Monster, Sherlock Hemlock, Snuffleupagus, and (probably his most well-known character) Count von Count. On “The Muppet Show,” he was Robin the Frog, Camilla the Chicken, Dr. Julius Strangepork, Uncle Deadly, Lew Zealand, and (my personal favorite) Sgt. Floyd Pepper. And for “Fraggle Rock” fans, he was Gobo.

Nelson was a Muppet original. Sadly, there aren’t very many of them left.

Back in December 2001, some friends, my sister (to be clear, my sister is also my friend) and I had an opportunity to meet Jerry at a Muppet convention in Los Angeles. (Don’t judge us!) It was very brief, but at the end of it I got an autograph from him. That’s somewhere in a box back in Los Angeles (I’m writing this from San Francisco), otherwise I’d scan it and show it to you guys.

But who needs an autograph when I’ve got a little piece of Jerry Nelson right here on my arm?

That sounded gross, but you understand what I mean.

Every time one of the Muppet Men go it bums me out, and Jerry Nelson was one of the best. The Muppets were different after Jim Henson and Richard Hunt died. Somehow, today, the Muppets are different than they were yesterday.

He’ll be missed.

One! One amazing performer! Ha-ha-ha,


PS: Listen to Jerry doing the Count on this commercial.

Old Poop!