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Back when I was living in Columbus, Ohio my friends and I started a quote wall. Whenever a bit of brilliance (or otherwise) poured out of someone’s mouth, somebody would yell “Quote!” thus nominating it for Quote Board status. The quote then had to be seconded by someone (it almost always was), and then it would be written down to be forever immortalized on the Quote Board.

This is the modern day equivalent of that classic piece of my past.


“Isn’t ‘Fruit Loops douche’ just another word for people who vape?”

– Milan, 7/3/18

The first text quote,


…please, oh please, let James von Brunn live!

Why? Because do you know what they do to 88-year-old white supremacists in prison?

They got a nickname for ’em: Gums.

May you live to be the oldest man alive, James! And may you spend every last second of your small and pitiful life in absolute pain and complete misery.

I deny that you ever existed,


Mayor Jim Fouts of Warren, Michigan is making a bold statement as a proud American by being a hypocritical and remarkably unAmerican douche.

To bring you up to speed, Fouts issued an executive order last summer in Warren, requiring that all government employees buy American brands the next time they purchase a vehicle.

Punishment for buying a Toyota or a Honda? Job termination.

This past Monday, Fouts mailed over 200 letters to municipal and school officials in neighboring districts and counties encouraging them to do the exact same thing.

So if you happen to live in one of these areas and are both a government employee and a big fan of Nissan or Lexus, sorry, but fuck you. Buy a Chrysler.

I encourage anyone who finds themselves within the grips of this Nazi to do two things: Buy whatever the fuck you want, and vote this turdbag out of office the first chance you get.

Oust Fouts,


Old Poop!