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What the fuck?!?

I don’t remember that in the move adaptation,

-Shady

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Call!

Remember!

You’ve been warned,

-Shady

…I only text my family when I fly.

Boarded! Landed! Repeat!

Travel notifications,

-Shady

Oh no! A dentist!

No shit.

I prefer Peter Gabriel DDS,

-Shady

…for sending me photos of their Vendetta support last Friday!

Super "Vendetta" love from my friends and family!

Super "Vendetta" love from my friends and family!

Super "Vendetta" love from my friends and family!

Super "Vendetta" love from my friends and family!

Super "Vendetta" love from my friends and family!

Super "Vendetta" love from my friends and family!

Pretty cool to see it up on a marquee,

-Shady

…filled with some interesting foods…

I want seconds!

Mmmm!

Delicious!

Yummy!

Dude!

So brutal!

Yeah... bitches.

…great friends…

Friends!

More friends!

More more friends!

And even more friends!

…and loving family.

Sexy siblings!

Sweet siblings!

Sexy spouses!

Sweet spouses!

When all was said and done, we had 31 humans (28 adults and three kids), two dogs, and two cats crammed in our two-bedroom apartment.

All 31 not pictured here!

And we all sang “Happy Birthday” to Mr. Fabulous as she ate her cake (A.K.A. an entire can of wet food).

Everyone sings to Mr. Fabulous on her ninth birthday!

I like Thanksgiving for all the reasons above, but I also like it because it gives me an excuse to wear a tie.

I love tie.

Alright, Christmas… bring it,

-Shady

Averhoffs!

In addition to being great friends (that I’ve known for nearly two decades), they have an amazing son named Liam who is one of the coolest kids on the planet.

Now, they’re hoping to add another member to their awesome family.

Learn how you can help make that a reality here.

I expect to be the godfather… or something comparable,

-Shady

…I just happened to be messing around on Facebook while watching the evening news. They were talking about swine flu and how, despite the number of cases dropping across the country, a lot of people were still freaking out about it.

And so, for a reason I don’t even understand myself, I updated my Facebook status with this: SWINE FLU!

Let me be clear here: I didn’t say that I had swine flu; I just e-screamed it in all caps, and polished it off with an exclamation mark.

The Facebook feedback was both immediate and insane. Friends and family messaged me within minutes, trying to verify that I had tested positive for H1N1.

My next status update: I DON’T HAVE SWINE FLU!

A few days later, my friend Sue suggested I do the something similar, but step it up a notch this time.

My next status update: PREGNANT!

That was it. One word, one exclamation point. And it came on the heels of an admitted lie of illness!

Still, the compliments came flooding in.

My friend Josh: “Really? Congratulations, man! You’ll make a bad-ass dad!”

My friend Jason: “Congrats! Now you can use all those phrases you’ve been saving up, like, ‘Go to your room and don’t come out until you’re not ugly!'”

My cousin Annie: “Say what now?”

Almost immediately, while stuck at work and completely unaware of the Facebook madness that was going on, my girlfriend Kathy started getting instant messages from friends back home looking to verify her pregnancy.

A few hours later, after admitting on Facebook that Kathy was not pregnant, Kathy received the following voicemail from her friend Ericka in Houston: “Tell your boyfriend he is not funny. And just to be clear, finding out that you’re pregnant on Facebook is not acceptable; neither is finding out that you’re engaged.”

Within seconds, my Facebook status: ENGAGED!

You would think by now that my friends and family wouldn’t believe a goddamn thing on my Facebook profile. You’d be wrong.

Within minutes of posting, I received congratulations from high school and college friends, a “wow” from an old family friend, and an “ohmygosh” from my cousin Erica.

And so, dear friends, I want to take this moment to be entirely clear: If I ever get a serious disease, am about to become a father, or propose to Kathy, I promise I will not announce it on Facebook.

Unless, of course, it’s something less serious, like “SEX CHANGE!” or “PRISON!” or “DEAD!” Those types of posts are 100% accurate.

Amazed that people believe anything on Facebook,

-Shady

…no, seriously.

One of the things I miss most about Milwaukee (other than the obvious ones, like friends, family and Friday night fish fries) is Alterra coffee.

After a few months of drinking cheap sludge out here (that’s the price you pay when your one-bedroom apartment costs, well… a lot) I found myself craving Alterra more than ever.

Sure, L.A. has its share of okay coffee spots, like Peet’s and The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf, but nothing out here compares to the caffeinated goodness of a hot pot from Alterra.

Thankfully, a few people back in Milwaukee love us, and bought me and Kathy an annual coffee subscription to Alterra! Each month we’ll get a pound of delicious coffee delivered right to our front door.

This month: Ethiopia Harar.

Alterra Coffee

Mmmm… beans.

Alterra Coffee

My Lord… I had forgotten what great coffee tasted like.

Thanks to Dwellephant, Dori Zori, Marla and Jodi for sending a little bit of home all the way to California!

I’m usually not big on being a commercial, but if you love coffee and are looking to try something new, check out Alterra here.

Home in a cup,

-Shady

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