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Blessed be MY name.

My friends said they’d never accept it. My friends were wrong.

It's the little things.

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,


It's a very specific elevator.

Only KB could ride it,


…like father…

February 19th, 2011: Justin Shady

like daughter.


Grey wears it better,


Seventeen-Year-Old Justin Shady: ALSO My Hero

…like daughter.

Nearly twenty-two years later.

Gonna recreate that photo one day soon,


…KB married her father.

You don't know me from Adam!

Sex just got awkward,



I know it might seem like I sit at home all day long, drinking beer and updating The Blarg, but the truth is I spend much of my day writing.

Lately, most of my writing has been on long-form projects. Because of this, I sometimes write a short (most times comedic, other times not so much) to break up the monotony of those longer projects. But while these shorts are fun to write as an exercise, nobody ever really gets to read them.

To remedy this, I’ve decided to share them here. I’m doing this for two reasons:

1. I like to share! That, and it’s better than having them sit on my computer.

2. It’s my hope that someone might be inspired to actually do something creative with them. Want to film one as a short? Awesome. Interested in animating one? Go for it. Feel like performing one live onstage? I dare you. All I ask is that you give me credit where it’s due, and (if possible) send me a copy of the final product.

The twenty-sixth of Shady’s Shorts is called “You Are (Not) The Father.”

Download it by clicking below.


Number twenty-five,


“You Are (Not) The Father” is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License. Created by Justin Shady, ©2015.

I know everyone’s been all like, “Oh, my dad is the best,” and, “No, my dad is the best,” today, and I’m all like, “HORSE SHIT! Because my dad is the best!”

I tried to find this awesome photo of us wearing 3D glasses while watching Creature from the Black Lagoon together, but it’s buried somewhere in nearly a hundred photo albums, and so you’ll just have to settle for this.

October 24th, 1976

That photo was taken at my christening (yes, I was once a good little Christian boy) on October 24th, 1976, and from what I can tell it’s the first photo of us together (at least based on the photos I have).

This is a good one, too.

Easter (April 19th) 1981

That photo was taken on Easter in 1981, which just so happened to fall on April 19th that year. It was also my dad’s 28th birthday.

Those horns in the background are currently hanging in our dining room.

Anyway, Happy Father’s Day to the best dad a balding, 30-something man who swears like a sailor and acts like an 8-year-old could ever have!

I learned it by watching him,


…which is why I can get away with writing shit like this in their birthday cards:

Happy birthday, illiterate one!

In the case of two-year-old Anya, Justin… you are the father,


You have no idea... much I love this furry weirdo.

…but Mr. Fabulous will always be my first daughter.

She’s the best,


Don’t even know how to sign off on this one,


Old Poop!