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What to eat, what to eat? Salad or... that hockey puck of Rainbow Brite's vomit?

…it’s gonna be hard for me to choose what to eat!

That dessert should be studied,


…so I’ve seen my fair share of different foods being placed on a stick.

I have never, however, seen this:

No... fucking... way.

Fuck no… on a stick,


…filled with some interesting foods…

I want seconds!





So brutal!

Yeah... bitches.

…great friends…


More friends!

More more friends!

And even more friends!

…and loving family.

Sexy siblings!

Sweet siblings!

Sexy spouses!

Sweet spouses!

When all was said and done, we had 31 humans (28 adults and three kids), two dogs, and two cats crammed in our two-bedroom apartment.

All 31 not pictured here!

And we all sang “Happy Birthday” to Mr. Fabulous as she ate her cake (A.K.A. an entire can of wet food).

Everyone sings to Mr. Fabulous on her ninth birthday!

I like Thanksgiving for all the reasons above, but I also like it because it gives me an excuse to wear a tie.

I love tie.

Alright, Christmas… bring it,


…a press event for Food Network’s upcoming show “Private Chefs of Beverly Hills” earlier this week.

The event, held on the rooftop of Thompson Beverly Hills Hotel, was awesome. But then again, it’s kind of hard to screw up an event that offers free food and booze.

In addition to the open bar, guests were treated to a wide range of appetizers that had been created by the six chefs featured on the show. Kathy and I quickly gobbled down a little bit of everything: caviar-topped fingerling potatoes; ox tail in a plantain cup; and a champagne-frosted cupcake that had a white chocolate-dipped strawberry at its center.

Damn… I’m getting hungry just typing about it.

Here’s a look at one of our plates:

Yeah, the event was great. We were poolside on a beautiful night, everything was free, and we were treated like royalty… but I’m not that easily bought. There was a brief introduction by someone from Food Network and then the premiere episode of “Private Chefs of Beverly Hills” was aired on television sets scattered around the party.

I have to admit, I was leery. Truth be told, I’m just not a fan of reality television. Kathy watches “Top Chef” and “Project Runway” regularly, and I couldn’t care less about either. When Kathy hits “play” on the DVR for either of those two shows that’s usually my cue to zone out, check email, or pretty much do anything else for the next hour.

The show began. We ate. We drank. We ate and drank some more. And then, it was over. And, as both a skeptic and a cynic, I’m shocked to admit that the show was pretty good. Sure, the beers and vodka gimlets helped, but don’t they always?

What’s nice about “Private Chefs of Beverly Hills” is that it’s void of competition. No one is getting kicked off an island or asked to leave a design school. Because it’s not a competitive show it’s void of any catty women or douche bag guys. All of the six chefs on the show are likable and you find yourself rooting for each and every one of them.

Sure, the show has its villains, as all good stories do. But here the villains are the clients; people who have more money than God and spend it accordingly. From a Botox party for age-denying millionaires to an extravagant “welcome to the neighborhood” party for dogs who eat better than most humans, these people are living lives that, by all means, should be fiction. And that’s why it works, because the rest of the world (i.e. real people) is so far removed from these types of lifestyles that we find ourselves rooting for the only “normal” people on the show: the chefs.

So yeah, I admit that the freebies didn’t hurt, but “Private Chefs of Beverly Hills” didn’t really need the bribes to win me over.

Still, I appreciate them.

“Private Chefs of Beverly Hills” airs tomorrow on Food Network at 10PM/9PM CST. Learn more here.

Gonna make lunch now,


May your day be filling!

I’m a trypto-fan,


Old Poop!