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…back in 2009 for this scathing post about the then-upcoming G.I. Joe movie.

A few people took issue with it because I bagged on the movie without ever having seen it. And, to date, I still haven’t.

I did, however, receive this email from my good friend Jocco yesterday:

Subject: Wow.

I couldn’t sleep last night and ended up watching “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra” on Netflix at four in the morning. Have you seen this thing yet? Because, damn, the whole fucking shit-fest plot perpetrated by Cobra was just so that Zartan could replace the president.

Seriously, Zartan could have just waited in the fucking bathroom and replaced the president when he went to take a shit, thus saving Cobra billions of dollars in resources. Oh yeah, and Jonathan Pryce played the president… and he’s fucking British! Who the fuck doesn’t know you can’t be the fucking president unless you were born in this country?

And none of this is to mention the completely ridiculous and awkward flashbacks that happen every five minutes. Oh, and Snake Eyes’ mask has lips… Jesus. And not only is the Baroness an American, but she’s also Duke’s ex-girlfriend and used to be good until she got brainwashed by her brother… also known as Cobra fucking Commander.

That’s just the tip of the big, brown iceberg of doodie that is just one Wii click away for you. I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but it was actually worse than I thought it was going to be.


PS: Cobra Commander’s real name is Rex.

Well, now I have to see it,


…Kathy and I went to a Moth StorySLAM at Busby’s here in L.A.

A Moth StorySLAM is an event where ten different people tell five-minute short stories. Anyone can tell a story; people “enter” by placing their name in a bag. Ten names are then randomly picked from the bag, and each person gets five minutes on stage.

The Moth’s StorySLAMs can be found in four cities–New York, Los Angeles, Chicago and Detroit–but they’re looking to expand into more cities soon. Learn more about The Moth here, their StorySLAMs here, and their podcast here.

At every StorySLAM, storytellers are given a theme to base their story on; on Tuesday night, the theme was “Narrow Escapes.”

One of the storytellers, an older man in his early sixties, got up and told a story that took place during his college years. The story was about having sex, contraceptive foam, and eventually getting caught by the girl’s mother. (I’ll let you do the math.)

As he was telling the story I realized his voice was familiar. From where I wasn’t sure, but I was almost positive I had heard it before. When his story was over the show’s emcee mentioned his name: Bill Ratner. I quickly Googled it on my phone.

Outside of being a regular contributor to the StorySLAMs, Bill Ratner is a voice talent. His most well-known role? Flint from the eighties G.I. Joe cartoons.

Ratner’s also done a ton of voice-over work for movie trailers, video games and documentaries.

After the event I walked over to him.

Me: “I just wanted to say that I grew up hearing your voice, and it was funny to hear Flint tell a story about contraceptive foam.”

Bill Ratner: “Thanks. You know, I reprised the role of Flint for an episode of ‘Family Guy.’ Seth MacFarlane called my agent and asked, ‘Is the guy who did Flint’s voice still alive?’ As you can see, I am.”

I have to admit, it was pretty cool.

Here are two videos of Bill telling short stories.

Apparently, contraceptive foam is the other half of the battle,


Old Poop!