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It got real wet.

…in a torrential rainstorm, and give her your hoodie to stay dry, from behind…

Phone home.

…it kind of looks like you’re walking with E.T.

Grey does love Reese’s Pieces,

-Shady

…(give or take a year), my Grandma Shady bought me a hoodie for Christmas that had the word “SHADY” printed across the chest.¬†She was pretty excited about the gift because, “They started making clothes with our name on it! I found it at Kohl’s.”

Of course, the “they” she was referring to was Eminem, but that didn’t matter to her. She still thought it was cool, and so did I.

Since then, I’ve worn that sweatshirt regularly. It became my go-to travel hoodie, which meant that if you ever saw me on a plane in the last decade I was wearing it. Over time, it faded, the screen-printed lettering cracked, tiny holes formed around the seams, and it absorbed its fair share of dropped food and spilled beer.

Still, it always pulled through.

That is, until last week, when the oil in a faulty jar of natural peanut butter dumped down the front of it.

R.I.P.: SHADY Hoodie

I tried everything. Lestoil. Multiple washes. I even prayed once.

Okay, so I tried almost everything.

In the end, I decided it had had a good run. A piece of it now exists as a rag under our kitchen sink. The rest of it is sitting in the garbage.

So, Grandma, if you’re ready this, first, I’m sorry. I have a terrible potty mouth, and say things here on The Blarg that you’re probably more than ashamed of. But second, if you ever happen to find yourself in Kohl’s again and see another one of our family hoodies for sale, please, pick one up for me.

If we had a backyard I’d bury it,

-Shady

Old Poop!