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For once, I agree with Dubya.

Never thought it could get worse than him,


"Bigly" by Justin Shady.

I write at least one spec feature script for myself every year. In 2016, I wrote Saving Charlie Chaplin, which obviously got some love and attention.

Unfortunately, I finished 2017’s script far too late in the year for it to get any real traction or make any lists. But that doesn’t mean I’m not proud of it.

I released my ninth spec on November 8th, 2017, one year to the day that Donald Trump shockingly (and appallingly) won the presidency. That date was consciously chosen because the script, titled Bigly, is a humorous account of Trump’s inauguration. Or at least how I had hoped his inauguration had turned out.

For the holidays, I thought it might be fun to share my script. Consider it a present from me to you. Of course, feel free to share it with friends and family. Especially friends and family who voted for Trump. It will be a fun conversation starter around the dinner table this coming weekend.

Download your copy of Bigly here.

Now on to number ten… and eleven,


I know some of you are of the mindset that we must remain vigilant and keep an eye on him at all times—keep your friends close, your enemies closer and all that—and while that is partly true, keeping tabs on him is only half the battle. The other half is learning when to completely ignore him.

Today—one of the darkest days in American history—will undoubtedly be the biggest, most important day of his pathetic little life. Do not add to his already (unjustly) inflated ego by tuning in. Don’t add another viewer—another set of eyeballs—to the train wreck as it unfolds on live television.

The only good that could possibly come out of today is that some hero throws an unripened tomato at his dick. And believe me, if that actually does happen it will be all over the internet in half a second.

So don’t slow your car down. Don’t roll your window down for a better view. Don’t gawk. Just keep on driving.

Because the key to fighting this putz will be to watch him like a hawk when he wants to stay hidden, and completely ignore him when he’s looking for the attention he so desperately craves. It will take time to master, for sure, but unfortunately we have four years to figure it out.

An easy way to gauge whether or not you should be paying attention to him is this: If he’s smiling that smug grin, waving with his tiny hands, and quoting his stupid fucking reality show, odds are he’s counting on you to tune in.

Don’t give him the pleasure.

More soon, so stay tuned. We’re just getting started.



Old Poop!