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…and have now turned them over to my kids… who are slowly destroying them one by one. Honestly, I don’t care. That’s what kids do, they destroy shit. I’m sure I destroyed my dad’s, I don’t know… totally racist Native American action figure from back in the day.

Anyway, recently, their destructive path tore through my Masters of the Universe collection. Specifically, Tri-Klops


…who is so much more evil and scary looking without his trademark eyes.


Wonder what Fisto is hiding under that giant fist of his,


Back when I was living in Columbus, Ohio my friends and I started a quote wall. Whenever a bit of brilliance (or otherwise) poured out of someone’s mouth, somebody would yell “Quote!” thus nominating it for Quote Board status. The quote then had to be seconded by someone (it almost always was), and then it would be written down to be forever immortalized on the Quote Board.

This is the modern day equivalent of that classic piece of my past.


“That’s the reason I didn’t want kids. The stickiness.”

– KB, 9/25/17

She’s got a point,


Do it! NOW!

Color me and my beer while you’re eating your grilled cheese sandwich and fries!

Chicago kids are hardcore,


I recently came across some old photos I shot over the last twenty years or so.

Rather than let them sit on a CD for the rest of my life I figured I’d save them to my desktop, dust them off, and share them with you guys one image at a time.

Hope you enjoy them.

"More Miserable Disney Kids"

"More Miserable Disney Kids"

More Miserable Disney Kids

Just like Happy Disney Family, I shot these images of miserable kids in Disney World’s Magic Kingdom in May 2001.

As I mentioned in the earlier post, during this trip I purposely sought out children and families who looked like they were having a miserable time in a place that is known for the exact opposite.

Like Happy Disney Family, the top image—of a limp, dead-like child being held in his father’s arms as they wait in line at Space Mountain—was shot  with my Mamiya RB67. The bottom image—of a girl sitting on the ground crying as adults stand around ignoring her—was shot with my Lubitel-2, an old, Russian medium-format camera that shoots square images.

Both images were shot on 120 transparency film and processed in C-41 (negative color film chemistry), which is a process also known as cross processing. This process is what gives the image its high contrast and vibrant colors.

By the end of the trip, I probably had eight to ten quality images similar to the ones above; not necessarily enough for a true series (at least in my opinion). I meant to shoot more images like these the next time I made my way back to Disney World but, to date, I have not.

Disneyland is calling… might have to revisit this idea soon,


…to which I always reply: “It’s not a medical bracelet.”

In the early eighties, in the aftermath of the Adam Walsh kidnapping, schools (or at least the public schools in Milwaukee) got proactive about identifying their students should anything horrible happen. Essentially, kids were issued medical bracelets that would serve as dog tags should their… I don’t know, lifeless bodies be found in a ditch somewhere.

Not a medical bracelet...

The front of each bracelet contained the kid’s full name, address, phone number, and birthdate. Of course, in hindsight, this might not have been the brightest idea. It’s basically the equivalent of writing your kid’s name and address on the back of their jacket. But hey, it was the eighties. Reagan was president, for crying out loud!

On the back of the bracelet, kids were allowed to choose an illustration from a gallery of pre-drawn art. For whatever reason, the five-year-old me chose the creepiest illustration out of the batch.

...but definitely a creepy clown.

I wore this bracelet all through elementary school (from kindergarten through fifth grade), but as soon as I started middle school it was no longer cool to wear a bracelet with a creepy clown on it. And so it sat in a dresser drawer until just a few years ago, when I happened upon it and decided to see if it would still fit.

It did. Just barely—it’s latched on the very last loop, which means I can’t gain any weight for fear of it popping off my wrist—but still, I find it pretty remarkable that I can still wear a bracelet I first put on my wrist 32 years ago.

Finally old enough for creepy clown bracelets to be cool again,


…or they’re terrified of it. Not sure which.

Either way, order your copy here!

Entertaining/terrifying your kids this Thanksgiving,



Satan, feel free to take this prick at any time,


Dress ’em in Dwellephant!

Dwellephant recently created artwork for a set of clothing for Milwaukee-based apparel company Heavy Rotation. He created five new designs for some toddler and infant apparel including t-shirts, rompers and “dress things.”

Check ’em out!








And this live version of Dead Man’s Bones’ “In The Room Where You Sleep” is proof!

Dear Mr. Jesus,



Old Poop!