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Are you okay, Annie? Or are you from Oklahoma?

Let the voting start… now,



I was recently reading up on the Kremlin (for this installment of Shady’s Shorts) when I decided to hit up Google Maps to see where it was located in Moscow.

I clicked on Street View to get a look at the buildings when I came across this:

Annie, are you okay?

Here it is zoomed in:

Are you okay, Annie?

That’s one smooth criminal!

He left the bloodstains on the carpet,


Back when I was living in Columbus, Ohio my friends and I started a quote wall. Whenever a bit of brilliance (or otherwise) poured out of someone’s mouth, somebody would yell “Quote!” thus nominating it for Quote Board status. The quote then had to be seconded by someone (it almost always was), and then it would be written down to be forever immortalized on the Quote Board.

This is the modern day equivalent of that classic piece of my past.


Justin: “If you could have any animal in the world for a pet, which one would you pick?”

Anthony: “Probably a werewolf. So he could turn into Michael Jackson and perform for me.”

– Anthony, 6 years old, 12/27/14

I’m glad he didn’t say Michael Jackson right out the gate,


I’m always running here and there,



What? Seriously?

Ask me to help pay for the burial of homeless and/or poor people, not for a dead millionaire who leaves an estate that’s worth more than $500 million.

Only in L.A. would an assclown politician ask for donations to help bury a guy who’s worth half a billion dollars.

Tell you what, Villaraigosa: How about you have your office write up a big fat bill for the event, send it on over to me, and I’ll gladly hand-deliver the fucking thing to the Jackson family’s front door in Encino.

Grow some balls, boy.

Do you know how many regular funerals $4 million would cover? A ton.

If Michael Jackson truly was as charitable as they’ve made him out to be, he too would’ve seen the disgusting hypocrisy in even asking for this money.

To anyone considering donating: Don’t.

To anyone who already did: Dumbass.

Eat the rich,


…I just saw the helicopter that was carrying Michael Jackson’s body fly past my kitchen window.

I’m not kidding.

So weird. Don’t even know what to say about that.


dead at 50.

Michael Jackson

Embedding has been disabled on almost all of his music videos on YouTube, but here’s an awesome Pepsi commercial from the eighties that wasn’t blocked:

You shouldn’t be online anyway. Shut down your computer, turn off your TV, throw “Thriller” into your CD player, and reminisce about your childhood.

Don’t stop ’til you get enough,



stay tuned for details.