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…(click here if you have no idea what I’m talking about) is Doug French!

Doug “won” with this short story about the worst gift he ever received:

When I was a kid, our Cub Scout pack had a gift exchange. Names were drawn out of a hat, at which point you would go up and pick a gift. My name came up last, which means I was left with the default gift. Every parent had bought something from the store to donate to the pile, but the parent who donated my “gift” had instead asked their child to craft something. To much derision in front of the group, I was now the owner of a Western pistol made out of a papertowel tube, and a cardboard sheriff’s badge covered in glitter.

Congrats, Doug! I mean… that sucks!

Also, a dishonorable mention to Bill Pearson who entered the following:

Worst gift: A visit from friends in Los Angeles. (See attached picture.)

Thanks, Bill.

I got a lot of entertaining/pitiful stories, so thanks to everyone who entered! Look for your crappy prizes in the mail soon, Doug!

Turning your tales of crappy gifts into crappy prizes,


With Christmas just around the corner I’ve been bit by the bug of giving! And what better way to give things away than by holding a contest? But this isn’t just any contest, folks. This is the Worst Contest Ever! Literally.

Need proof? Look at these awesome prizes!

Prize packet includes:

– An autographed empty water bottle from the set of “Two and a Half Men.” (Note: Bottle contains one real autograph from Justin Shady and three fake autographs from the cast of “Two and a Half Men.”

– A water-damaged advance copy of People of Walmart: Shop & Awe.

– An old iPhone case!

– A burned CD of Daniel Tosh’s “True Stories I Made Up.” (Note: Tracks were accidentally burned out of order.)

– A pipe for smoking weed! (Or whatever!)

See? I told you it was the worst contest ever. I might even throw in some other garbage before the contest ends.

Wanna enter? Email me here with your name, age, address, and a brief description of the worst Christmas gift you ever received. (Bonus points if you can dig up a photo of you with the horrible item.)

Contest ends on Wednesday, December 22nd.

Good luck on being the “winner” of this horrible, terrible, awful contest!

I may even throw in a drawing,


Old Poop!