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Hello, new friend.

…let me apologize upfront for everything that’s about to happen to you.

Sincerely,

-Shady

Farewell, old friend.

…I apologize for all the shit I put through you.

Sincerely,

-Shady

Polaroll'd!

…for this gift that combines two of my all-time favorite activities: photography and sitting on the toilet!

Polaroll’d,

-Shady

Why? Because I have great ideas for new inventions!

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Shady, everyone thinks they have a great idea for a new invention.” And this is true. But the difference here is that everyone else’s ideas are shit and mine are dope.

In the past I’ve come up with a few gems, including Cockpants™ (men’s pants sewn in a certain way to bulge out in the crotch area, thus making the man/owner more sexually desirable) and The Upside-Down Jar™ (a jar for peanut butter/jelly/mayonnaise/etc. that has a screw-top lid both on the top and bottom, thus making scraping for the bottom of the jar’s contents a thing of the past).

But my newest idea, folks, is quite possibly my best invention yet. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you THE TOWER™!

What is The Tower? It’s a toilet/shower. OH SNAP! I just blew your mind!

Think about it: What are the first two things you do when you wake up in the morning? You hit the toilet, then the shower. Wouldn’t it be awesome to do both of these two things at the same time?

The Tower™ is a toilet erected directly in a bathtub/shower stall. You hop in, take a seat, turn the water on, and get dirty while getting clean! When you’re done, just stand up, flush, and scrub down. Not only will you save time, but you’ll get to sit down while taking a shower! Awesome!

Did I mention the money you’ll save on toilet paper? No? Well, you’ll save a ton of money on toilet paper!

I came up with this idea because most guys use the shower as a toilet anyway (sorry, ladies, it’s true), so I thought, “Why not just put a toilet in the shower?” And then I got to thinking, “Man, it would be awesome to be able to sit down while getting clean?” And–Voila!–The Tower™ was born!

So if any toilet/shower/bathtub manufacturers out there would like to buy my idea for a BRILLION DOLLARS, my email address is below.

And to society: I just made both the acts of pooing and showering a little more awesome. You’re welcome.

Billy Mays would have loved The Tower™,

-Shady

Old Poop!