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…right here:

NOTE: There are NO spoilers here. I loved this movie and don’t want to ruin one bit of it for anyone.

1. A brilliant short titled “Day & Night” from director Teddy Newton. Sure, Pixar continues to amaze audiences with their animation prowess, but this dialogue-less short is innovative even by Pixar standards. It’s both a conceptual and technological masterpiece.

2. I have to admit I was a bit leery going into “Toy Story 3” for a few reasons. First, because Pixar has hit towering home runs on their past two outings (“Wall-E” and “Up”) and I honestly didn’t know if they could keep it up year after year. Second, because it’s hard to pull off even one sequel that pushes the boundaries of originality, let alone a third film in a franchise. But with that being said, and I truly can’t believe I’m going to say this, but “Toy Story 3” just may be the best movie out of the “Toy Story” trilogy.

3. Three words: Mr. Tortilla Head.

4. “Toy Story 2” came out in 1999. That’s eleven years ago, folks. And while the animation and technology used back then is still impressive today, it’s nowhere near what Pixar is accomplishing in the third film. This is the best you’ve ever seen Woody and Buzz; not only is it darn impressive, but it shows that Pixar is in a perpetual state of evolution. I can’t wait to see what they release in 2021. It just might make my head explode.

5. Michael Keaton brings life to Barbie’s soul mate Ken. The addition of this character to the franchise (and Keaton to the cast) is fantastic. I never thought I’d say this but… I love Ken.

6. I said it about their last two films and I’ll say it again: Pixar likes making audiences cry! Their storytelling and character development is so on point here that by the end of the movie I was hearing sniffling and watching grown adults wipe their eyes! They’re crying over a computer-generated plastic toy voiced by Tom Hanks! You win, Pixar! Okay? Next time can you make a movie that doesn’t make me feel like a middle-aged woman watching “Fried Green Tomatoes”?

7. Spanish. (You’ll know it when you see it… I mean, hear it.)

8. The dialogue is both smart and, at times, a bit adult. For example, at one point Barbie goes on a short little rant about democracy that’s simply brilliant. Just further proof that kids don’t need to drag their parents to see Pixar movies; parents want to see these movies.

9. By far the creepiest character (and toy) of the franchise yet is introduced: Big Baby. And I mean creepy in a disconcerting, David Lynchian kind of way. And no, it’s not an action figure of Robert Blake… though that would be awesome.

10. What “Monsters, Inc.” accomplished with fur and hair, and “Finding Nemo” accomplished with water, “Toy Story 3” accomplishes with trash. I know you probably think that “Wall-E” holds the title for believable garbage, but you’d be wrong. The trash in “Toy Story 3” is damn impressive… as odd as that sounds.

One short of a dozen,


…right here:

Last night, Dori and I saw the new Twilight movie, “New Moon.”

I’d only seen the first half-hour of the first one, because Dori, who read the book, rented it. But I had to leave when one of the vampires started twinkling in the sunlight. No joke. He twinkled… like the bedazzled little turd-herder he is.

So, outside of the sparkling, I was pretty much out of the loop as to what actually happens in these films, beyond the overwhelming amount of teenagers being pretty put out by, well, everything. (There’s also a record amount of “like” and “um” in the dialogue. Pretty sure the script is just filled with those words, and no others. Maybe the screenwriter for this should hang out with the screenwriter from “Juno.” Then they can make teenagers’ heads explode.) Turns out you don’t really NEED to know what happens in the first film, because the second one is so awful, you don’t care three minutes in. Sure, it made $150 million in its first weekend or something like that, but so did Sarah Palin’s book thanks to that Darth Vader of daytime television, Oprah.

Save for some pretty great special effects when some werewolves fight– yes, the best part of a VAMPIRE film is when NON-VAMPIRES do something– this movie was bad… to a point where it could almost be one of those films we’d rent back in the day and make fun of the entire time.

I’ll stop ripping on it here, so as not to give anything away in case you are a huge fan and don’t care what my heartless, soul-less ass thinks about this supernatural love story. I’ll instead leave you with my favorite piece of dialogue. To set the scene, they’re in the woods (big shock), and something emotionally riveting is about to happen. Twinkle-pants is telling the drippy female lead he and his vampire family have to leave town. I can’t remember exactly because I was trying to count my teeth at this point… by running my tongue over each individual one slowly and carefully. But then this happens. Say it out loud for maximum effect:

Bella: Are you telling me you don’t want me to come?

Edward: (after about two minutes of them just looking at each other, stifling tears… or seizures) I don’t want you to come.

I almost passed out trying not to laugh at this. Largely because these kids would have WAY less problems if they WOULD come. But instead of getting drunk and hand-jobbing each other, like good American teens should be doing at this age, they’re worried about dumb shit, like sunlight and LiveJournal.

Oh– AND, my former arch-nemesis is in this. (Not Tom Hanks. The most recent one.)

Just thought I’d share… in case you can see this with people who will drink and laugh at it with you.


Better than any post I’ve ever written,


Old Poop!