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West's postcard book from Marla!

Thanks, Marla, for keeping your gifts even-steven amongst siblings.

West already has a few postcards…

Nearly empty!

…but if you have our address, please send him more! Or, if you don’t have our address and want to send West (or Grey) a postcard, hit me up.

Marla’s gifts are keeping the postal service in business,

-Shady

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LEG DEATH RETURNS!

I modified it a bit,

-Shady

Two little wieners!

…came home for the first time wearing the same onesie.

Can you tell which one is which?

No ketchup,

-Shady

Rebel, Rebel!

I swear that wasn’t staged,

-Shady

We did it again!

Grey’s little brother, West Rebel Wilder Robert Bryja Shady, was born today—August 18th, 2017—at 3:04PM.

As it is with all births, there’s much more to West’s delivery story than just your average “we came to the hospital and then—POOF!—he was here,” but we’ll save the juicy (seriously, disgustingly juicy) details for later. For right now, all you need to know is that he clocked in at 7 pounds 15 ounces, and 20.5 inches long, and that KB is doing well.

Oh, and he’s unbelievably quiet, which KB and I are really enjoying right now.

There will be more (AKA a lifetime) of updates about this little guy from here on out, but for now you’ll just have to settle for a handful of adorable baby photos… with ridiculous captions.

Here’s West’s very first photo. It looks like a lot of first photos. Except mine, which is officially the most adorable first baby photo in all of recorded history.

West Rebel Wilder Robert Bryja Shady: 8/18/17

Immediately after West was born they put vaseline across his eyelids. This was to keep the red fire ants out. Or at least that’s what I assume it’s for.

West Rebel Wilder Robert Bryja Shady: 8/18/17

Vaseline be damned! West persisted… and finally opened his eyes! Notice how he doesn’t have any whites in his eyes, just like that alien in Communion, or every demon in every demon horror movie ever made. Of course, West isn’t a demon. But even if he were, we’d still love and accept him. #NoJudging

West Rebel Wilder Robert Bryja Shady: 8/18/17

Here I am doing my best “George Clooney circa ER” impersonation, while West is doing his best “George Clooney circa May 6th, 1961” impersonation. Personally, I think we’re both pulling it off pretty well. Also, notice my manly chest hair explosion. That’s my “George Clooney circa 1979” impersonation.

West Rebel Wilder Robert Bryja Shady: 8/18/17

West wasn’t done with impersonations! Here he is impersonating his big sister Grey, impersonating Johnny Rotten. Punk rock is in the Shady family genes!

West Rebel Wilder Robert Bryja Shady: 8/18/17

And here he is just being, you know… cute as hell. He gets it from his mother.

West Rebel Wilder Robert Bryja Shady: 8/18/17

When Grey was born, I showed off a photo of her fighting off raptors in our hospital. I’ll be the first to admit it’s damn hard to top that. But is it impossible? No. Not at all.

What’s better than showing a newborn fighting off attacking dinosaurs from Jurassic Park? I’ll tell you what’s better: a newborn baby as sexy Jeff Goldblum.

West Rebel Wilder Robert Bryja Shady: 8/18/17

Told you.

Finally, here’s a cleaned-up West with a stylish hairdo holding onto my finger. Just look at how adorable his tiny little hand is. It’s as if Donald Trump himself were holding onto my finger. Awww….

West Rebel Wilder Robert Bryja Shady: 8/18/17

So there you go, folks: West Rebel.

We can’t wait for you all to meet him. And for him to meet all of you.

Stay tuned for more, and much love.

And then there were four,

-Shady

PS: West shares his birthday with some awesome people including Ed Norton, Christian Slater, Denis Leary, and Roberto Clemente. Even better, his birthday falls on the anniversary of the 19th Amendment, which was adopted on August 18th, 1920. We’re certain this means he’s going to grow up to become a proud feminist.