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They use creepy shit to create even creepier shit.

That’s the last one, Kelli,


Their restrooms are fun!

They use real words that I previously thought were made up!

They have funny signs that show guys in acts of excretion!

And they enjoy playing water sports! Literally!

I scored numerous goals,


The Devil and I have stood in the same spot.

(Click here, then scroll down to Teufelsschritt, or Devil’s Footstep.)

Shouldn’t come as much of a shock,


Everything has nice signage.

I cheated… that was actually Salzburg,


In Germany, when you lose your forearm in a tragic accident they replace it with a beer bottle.

I tried to get my forearm maimed while in Germany,


In Germany, you can get almost anything out of a bathroom coin machine.

I prefer my pussy to stay at home,


The German language easily amuses stupid Americans.

Me being one of them,


Germans encourage all types of holding hands, between a mother and daughter…

…or between a woman and her bear mascot friend.

Those were taken one right after the other,


A simple “Do Not Enter” sign isn’t nearly enough for Germans.

I still entered,


They love liverwurst so much that they mold it into heart shapes.

I liverwurst heart,


Old Poop!