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HAPPY #5!

Another year down with the best daughter a father could ask for,

-Dad

Happy Juneteenth!

So happy to live in this building amongst these awesome people,

-Shady

Aunt Ciappa!

…for finding (and delivering)¬†Bad Guy and Robot.

She’ll forever be their aunt,

-Shady

…from this to a more important topic.

And if you think otherwise don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

#BlackLivesMatter,

-Shady

We’ve been a one-pet home ever since Mr. Fabulous died in December, and Heisenberg has loved every single second of it. But since she’s a bit of a shit we decided to add not one, but two new pets to the Shady family!

Please meet our two new kittens, Bad Guy (who, of course, is a girl)…

Bad Guy!

…and Robot!

Robot!

Some backstory on their names: KB and I chose them as a nod to Grey and West’s favorite music video: “Intergalactic” by Beastie Boys.

The video is an homage to Japanese Kaiju films, and in it a robot battles an octopus-headed creature.

Intergalactic...

...planetary!

The kids have dubbed these two characters Robot and Bad Guy, and they often take on their personas when they play together: “I’ll be Robot. You be Bad Guy.”

We thought that was cute, and believed naming our new furry family members after them would make the kids even more excited for their arrival.

We were wrong.

The kids had other thoughts about what their names should be. Grey wanted to name her cat Balloony (“Because she will like to pop balloons!”), and as time went on she tacked on a couple of middle names (she’s obviously our daughter) including Coconuty and Treetop. West just wanted to call his cat Papery (“Because he will like to write on paper!”).

I told West that if his kitten was able to write on a piece of paper they could name them whatever they wanted. So far, he has yet to do so.

We assumed their love for these names would be fleeting, but their pushback was fierce. Every time we’d mention the kittens’ names it would turn into a battle of wills: “Her name is not Bad Guy! It’s Balloony!”

And so to keep the peace we decided to meet in the middle. The full name of Grey’s cat is Bad Guy Balloony Coconuty Treetop Shady, and West’s is Robot Papery Shady. They even have tags with their full names engraved on them. They’re very large tags.

It’s safe to say our vet will have an easy time remembering these cats.

Bad Guy & Robot!

We’ve yet to fully introduce them to Heisenberg but we’ll keep you posted on the transition as it plays out. At this point we’re just hoping Heisenberg doesn’t immediately murder/eat them… because they are pretty damn cute.

Balloony & Papery!

And coming soon… another dog,

-Shady

Bye, A.B.!

…after a fun six months together. Miss and love you, A.B.!

I drink wine in the bathroom,

-Shady

…and, I gotta be honest, it’s left me feeling like I have very little to say anymore. Or, more accurately, that anything I could say is pretty fucking meaningless when compared to the seriousness of everything that’s going on.

I no longer feel witty or funny or clever. Instead, I feel angry and pessimistic and just so goddamn tired.

All of these reasons are why I’ve been mostly silent here on The Blarg lately. Maybe that’s the right reaction to this insanity. Maybe it’s wrong. I don’t even know anymore.

That said, I’m going to try and update this a bit more regularly. I promise to stick to stupid shit that will hopefully make you laugh. Partly because that’s what I’m best at, but also because I really don’t feel like there’s anything I can say that hasn’t been said already by smarter, more eloquent people.

Hope you’re all staying safe and sane. More soon.

Black Lives Matter,

-Shady

I’m just not that into you,

-Shady

…pre-pandemic.

Now, mid-pandemic, I’ve moved on to Jim Quillen’s Alcatraz From Inside.

"Alcatraz From Inside" by Jim Quillen.

Quillen was an inmate at Alcatraz from 1942 to 1952.

On Friday, July 22nd, 1994, at the age of 17, I made my first visit to Alcatraz. After the tour we were herded out through the gift shop where Jim was set up at a table selling copies of his book. I bought a copy. He inscribed it.

Twenty-six years ago.

For whatever reason, I’ve yet to read his book.¬†Quillen died just four years after I met him, in 1998 at the age of 79. Now, 22 years after his death, and 26 years after I met him, I’ve finally decided to give it a read.

If you’re interested in picking up your own copy click here.

I’m reading so much less with two kids in the house at all times,

-Shady

Scraggly beard...

Hello, old friend.

...clears the way for a pretty sweet mustache.

Pandemustache,

-Shady

Old Poop!