THIS JUST IN: Republicans like black people, too!

In case you didn’t hear, the RNC just named former Maryland Lieutenant Governor Michael Steele as chairman of the party.

Learn more about it here if you’re interested.

Steele beat out four other challengers, including incumbent party chief Mike Duncan and former Tennessee GOP leader Chip Saltsman.

Saltsman, as you may remember, became “famous” last December when he handed out CDs featuring the track “Barack the Magic Negro” to family and friends.

And yet here we are, an historical day on which the Republic party elects its first African American to head their organization. It’s awe-inspiring to see just how far these conservatives have come in… weeks.

Let’s be blunt, shall we? If Obama wasn’t president, Steele wouldn’t be RNC chairman. Period.

What a blatant attempt by the RNC to appear “down.” You know what I am saying, my dogs? They like everything black, like rap-hop, that funny Bernard Mac guy, and fried chicken!

To the RNC, Steele is nothing more than “my black friend”–something to mention over and over, again and again just to prove how “accepting” they really are.

But let’s be honest here, folks. It’s just another attempt to mimic the recent success of the DNC, as if simply by nominating a black person to a high-ranking position you’re guaranteed to win over the black population.

Come on.

It’s no coincidence that Hillary Clinton ran for office and then, months later, Sarah Palin was asked by McCain to be his running mate. Just like it’s no coincidence that just ten days after Obama is sworn into office, Michael Steele is named chairman of the RNC.

You really think you’re gonna change the face of your party with the Sarah Palins and Michael Steeles of the world? Not likely. Nice try, though.

Maybe you’ll have it figured out by 2012. But let’s hope not.

Back in black,

-Shady

I know it’s sad, but…

…I’m addicted to Tetris on Facebook.

And, in addition to that, my friend Brett has this fucking ridiculously high score of almost a half-million points, and I’m completely convinced he cheated because I rarely break the 100,000 mark.

So if you smartasses think you can beat me, hop on over to Facebook, friend me (just look for “Justin Shady”), and challenge me! It’s on, motherfuckers!

Gonna beat your Tetr-ass,

-Shady

Ahhh…

…what?

Sometimes it Blargs itself,

-Shady

Quick Movie Review: “Frozen River”

“Frozen River” (Cohen Media Group)

1. What’s beautiful about this movie is its simplicity. Whereas most movies feel the need to show everything, “Frozen River” successfully tells its tale without overdoing the details. For example, one of the key characters of the storyline, a deadbeat gambling-addicted father, never even makes an appearance. But the rest of the cast brings him to life with the anger and resentment they hold for him.

2. Actress Melissa Leo, who portrays the film’s lead character Ray Eddy, deserves the Oscar hands-down for Best Actress. Of course, she’s the only non-rock star in the bunch and will be completely overlooked, but her performance is light-years beyond anything Kate Winslet did in her portrayal of a Nazi pedophile in the absolute worst movie of the year (possibly decade), “The Reader.”

3. The film is exceptionally realistic and doesn’t rely on standard Hollywood gimmicks in its storytelling. At times you feel as if you’re watching a real-life documentary, not a fictional movie that was distributed by Sony.

4. You end up either liking or at least sympathizing with each and every character in the film; from the credit card-stealing son, to the financially-struggling and human-smuggling mothers, to the 9-to-5 cop who’s just doing his job, it’s possible to relate to them all.

5. “Frozen River” is in my top five films of last year. So is “Slumdog,” and I know everyone has a boner for it right now, but “Frozen River” is an overall better movie. It lacks the Disney fairytale ending that “Slumdog” suffers from, instead deciding to stick to its realistic guns and leave viewers maybe not with a happy ending, but definitely with a better story.

Frozen River Phoenix,

-Shady

PS: Just in case you were wondering, my top five films of 2008 were (in order of first to fifth place):

1. “Wall-E”
2. “The Visitor”
3. “Frozen River”
4. “Burn After Reading”
5. “Slumdog Millionaire” and “The Wrestler” (tie)

And just for fun, here are my top five most-hated movies of last year (in order of totally shitty to just kinda crappy):

1. “The Reader”
2. “Rachel Getting Married”
3. “Vicky Cristina Barcelona”
4. “Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”
5. “Revolutionary Road”

Do you ever watch “How I Met Your Mother” on CBS?

Because if you don’t, you just missed Neil Patrick Harris saying, “I love this burger so much I wanna sew my ass shut.”

And now Regis Philbin just did a cameo and screamed, “Daddy needs his meat!”

Fucking. Awesome.

Am I a writer for that show?

-Shady

Thirteen CD reviews in thirteen (mostly run-on) sentences…

…because I got an assload of discs for review this week and I’m only one man. Of course, sometimes I’m only one woman, but that’s another story.

Here we go!

Sonic Bliss “Loved to Death” – In one disc, Sonic Bliss somehow manages to sound like Guns N’ Roses, The Proclaimers, Dokken, Kansas, Queen, Blue Öyster Cult, Living Colour and Stone Temple Pilots… and that really makes it up to you to decide if that’s a good or bad thing.

Peel “Die in June” – I bet all the kids are gonna go ape-shit for this album that sounds exactly like all the other “Twilight”/”Underworld” soundtrack bands that all the kids are currently going ape-shit for!

Steven Wright-Mark “Sideshow Freak” – When it comes to criticism, I can never do power pop justice because it’s just not my cup of tea; but, genre of music aside, Wright-Mark gets points because he wrote every song, sang every lyric, played every instrument, produced the entire album, and handled the disc’s artwork.

Clue to Kalo “Lily Perdida” – A clever concept album (each track is “told” by a different character close to the story’s main character, Lily Perdida) from a duo who know how to slowly pour acoustic folk over a foundation of synthesized noise, erecting a sound structure that exists somewhere between the ground of Yo La Tengo and the atmosphere of Stereolab.

The Dutch Uncles “The Ghost of Everything” – This disc starts out with the same-old pop you’ve heard a hundred times over (“Everything”), but halfway through the album a hint of country twang comes into the mix (“A Million Years” and “Safe at Home”); the few times the pop mold manages to break is when things get interesting.

Beast “Beast” – The Lo Fidelity Allstars + Amy Winehouse + The Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy + Portishead = BEAST!!! Yes!!! (And yes, I know that was two sentences, but I really liked this disc so LAY OFF!)

Various Artists “Guilt by Association: Vol. 2” – Fourteen cheeseball hits of yesteryear covered by bands of today, like New Edition’s “Cool It Now” (Robbers on High Street), INXS’ “Need You Tonight” (Cassettes Won’t Listen) and Toto’s “Africa” (Lowry).

Mr. Meeble “Never Trust the Chinese” – This album fits nicely between the worlds of souped-up tunes from Air and watered-down instrumentals from Nine Inch Nails, but falls just short of being as cohesive as either; still, it’s a solid album that avoids unnecessary vocals (i.e. sticking lyrics into every song just to fill space), and I applaud that.

Eulogies “Here Anonymous” – A solid quartet of musicians who produce keyboard-laced melodies that are more spacious and ethereal than they are eye-rollingly arm-huggy, further proving that not all white boy guitar-bass-drum-and-vocal bands have to sound the same… now if they could only spread the word to the rest of the music industry.

The Hot Puppies “Blue Hands” – This Welsh five-piece does have a unique sound, and I think front woman Becky Wood’s voice is a nice change from primarily male lead vocals, but I wish they would have stripped all things “eighties” off the album (synthesizer, theremin, etc.) and instead stuck to their conventional instruments (cello, drum, etc.) because they play them well, and that just makes the other stuff come across as being gimmicky and dated.

Kenneth Pattengale “Stories Places” – The press release for this 26-year-old singer/songwriter states that Pattengale hopes to “…follow Tom Waits, Gillian Welch, Chris Smither and Loudon Wainwright in their ability to conjure a unique American voice,” and while the road to that goal may be a couple decades and a dozen or so records long, he’s definitely at least on the right path.

Gavin Castleton “Home” – In order to deal with the end of a six year-long relationship (bear with me), Castleton created this fifteen-track concept album that tells the story of a doomed boyfriend/girlfriend “team” as they try and survive a zombie invasion; pretty sweet story, and not a bad “soundtrack” to back it up. (EXTRA “MORE THAN ONE SENTENCE” NOTE: Castleton isn’t a newcomer to clever ideas, as his previous album was also a concept endeavor that recounted his life backwards, beginning at the moment of his suicide in the year 2054.)

Jeremy Jay “Slow Dance” – Jeremy Jay is a whinier version of all of those eighties crybaby bands that people love (Joy Division, The Cure, etc.) but I just don’t get.

-Shady

First…

…this video was released for the single “Money” from the upcoming N.A.S.A. full-length, “The Spirit of Apollo.”

Now, they’ve released a second video, this time for the track “Hip Hop.” This one features Slim Kid Tre and Fatlip of The Pharcyde, and KRS-One.

Enjoy!

The Farmer Man,

-Shady

For once, someone listened!

Remember about a month ago when I wrote this post here, about a stupid-ass family who named their kids Adolf Hitler Campbell, JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell?

And you remember how I said that someone should take these kids away from these assholes, because naming your children after Nazis is clearly child abuse?

Well, someone listened!

The New Jersey Division of Youth and Family Services will only say they felt the children were in danger, but the children’s mother, Deborah Campbell, suspects it “…has to do with their names.”

NO SHIT, BITCH!

Taking these kids away isn’t going far enough, if you ask me. I think the parents should be given the Barker Treatment: “Remember to have your racist trash spayed and neutered.”

Still, according to these rednecks they aren’t Nazis at all, they just really like the names “Adolf Hitler,” “Aryan Nation” and “Honszlynn Hinler.” Oh, and did I mention their father, Heath, has a tattoo of a SWASTIKA?

But no, they’re clearly not Nazis.

Like a wiseman once said: “March ’em all into the ocean.”

Come to think of it, I said that.

“Natsie” was my favorite “Happy Days” character,

-Shady

OUR FIRST REAL EARTHQUAKE!!!

Holy shit, that was weird!

It felt like a giant just punched our house! It was only a 3.4 on the Richter Scale, but that doesn’t make it any less freaky.

I’ve got your 3.4 right here,

-Shady

The love life of the Obamas includes… what?!?

Some moronic “sexpert” on a local Fox News broadcast:

Wow. You know, I was kinda lukewarm on Obama… until I heard this! High-five, Barack!

Errr… after you wash your hands.

It’s his duty,

-Shady