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It's creepier with your eyes open... and when your daughter looks on.

…on Kissmas.

That’s our tradition,

-Shady

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First, my Uncle Kevin and I apparently had to figure out some Kissmas logistics.

KISSMAS 2016: The Logistics

But then we got down to the bidness.

KISSMAS 2016: The Bidness

I’m pretty sure this kiss marks Kissmas’ 20th anniversary.

On to twenty-one,

-Shady

Kissmas...
…Kissmas….

...Kissmas...

…KISSMAS…

...KISSMAS!!!

…KISSMAS!!!

Another kiss/year in the bag,

-Shady

…every Christmas (except last year, when we had to improvise). This past Christmas was no exception.

Kissmas 2014

We call this annual event Kissmas.

Last week, while digging through these old photos from October 1996, I also came across this photo:

Kissmas 1996: The First Kissmas

From what I can tell, this photo is from the very first Kissmas my Uncle Kevin and I ever celebrated. It was taken on Christmas Day 1996.

That’s nearly two decades of kissing a man with a mustache. A man who, for the record, I’m not related to by blood!

Gonna have to print a book someday,

-Shady

Yes, you read that correctly.

It started as a spur of the moment act of weirdness around (I’m guessing here) 15 years ago. Since then, it’s become an anticipated annual event known as… wait for it… Kissmas.

We’ve kissed every Christmas since then with the exception of only one year. In 2008, just after moving to Los Angeles, I didn’t go back home for Christmas. In my absence, my Uncle John kissed my Uncle Kevin.

Unfortunately, this Christmas, we also weren’t able to make it back, so Kevin and I improvised with a FaceTime smooch.

Uncle Kevin and Shady's Kissmas 2013!

The tradition lived on. That is, until my Uncle John sent me this photo of Kevin kissing my Uncle Bob after he already e-kissed me!

Uncle Kevin = CHEATING FLOOZIE!

So, obviously, my Uncle Kevin is a cheating floozie who has no problem going around and kissing whatever family member he wants. I’m really gonna have to rethink this relationship before next Christmas.

Just kidding, I can’t wait to kiss him again!

Mwah,

-Shady

…in response to this email I received from him last Friday:

Subject: WHAT THE FUCK?

I look forward to my daily “Blarg” and it really pisses me off when there is nothing new to read.

I don’t care if it’s a story about Mr. Fabulous farting, Kathy farting… whatever. I need my daily “Blarg!” I thought we would have gotten updates on your anal detox treatment… my bad, annual detox treatment. Just so you know, there are people out here in cyberspace who actually give a fuck about your daily doings. How sad is that?

So get out there and take pictures, post videos, or just write something about nothing. I don’t give a fuck; I’m bored at work.

Signed,

-Disgusted

Sorry for the delay in “Blarg” updates, but I’m really glad to hear that receiving updates on my sometimes senseless and mostly ridiculous life experiences is that important to some people.

You’re right, I do owe you all an update on our most recent detox treatment. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it), there was nothing to report this time around. Even though we had to choke down that sludge for seven days in a row, neither Kathy nor I saw any change in our bathroom habits. This is probably due to the fact that the first treatment we did back in 2009 stripped everything out of us… including our intestines.

And now you know!

I promise to never leave you waiting for an update on our bowel movements for that long ever again.

Back in the saddle,

-Shady

Old Poop!

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